tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30937189215957375892024-03-05T17:59:05.243-08:00Wonderfully MadeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-67304714854854339612014-04-03T12:19:00.002-07:002014-04-03T12:41:14.539-07:00A New Song to Sing!<div class="poetry top-1">
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<span class="text Ps-40-1"><sup class="versenum">1 </sup>I waited patiently for the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> to help me,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-1">and he turned to me and heard my cry.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-40-2" id="en-NLT-14504"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>He lifted me out of the pit of despair,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-2">out of the mud and the mire.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-40-2">He set my feet on solid ground</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-2">and steadied me as I walked along.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-40-3" id="en-NLT-14505"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>He has given me a new song to sing,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-3">a hymn of praise to our God.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-40-3">Many will see what he has done and be amazed.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-3">They will put their trust in the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-40-3">-Psalm 40: 1-3 </span></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I indeed have a "new song to sing!" Christian and I are expecting our fourth child in October! We are thrilled and feel so blessed that the Lord has given us this miracle. We were told that we would never conceive naturally, and yet we have. God is all-powerful and much bigger than science or our doubt. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">For those of you who don't know, Christian and I struggled with infertility for three years before conceiving Maggie. I took all the medications, ran all the tests, had two surgeries and did multiple rounds of in vitro fertilization to get our little Magpie. We were elated and thankful to have Maggie but wanted to have more children if possible. We did two more rounds of IVF, miscarried and then on our third round we got pregnant with the boys! From that cycle we froze the three remaining embryos. In October we transferred two embryos and were pregnant for a week before miscarrying. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Until John's diagnosis, infertility was the biggest struggle of my life. I have experienced more sorrow at times but infertility was the most alone I ever felt. It is heartbreaking to live month-to-month and go through intense periods of hope and disappointment. Having the strong, God-given desire to be a mom and not have it happen brings you to your knees and breaks many marriages apart. It is also confusing and hard on our husbands. As I type this I am praying for all couples I know struggling with infertility. I hope you will join me in lifting up the couples around you yearning for their first baby or a sibling for their child. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Looking back I can see so many important lessons I learned in our season of infertility. My genuine belief in God's goodness, come-what-may, was developed during those three years. I was also taught a great deal about patience and God's timing versus my own. It was during this time that I discovered that there is a Bible passage to minister to every situation. I read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel so many times that I was convinced that the Lord put it there just for me. God knew women struggling with infertility would need hope and he gifted His daughters with this story. My Bible is worn on these pages and there are smudges where my tears dropped over fresh ink underlining these words:</span></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 There was a man named Elkanah
who lived in Ramah in the region of Zuph in the hill country of Ephraim. He was
the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, of Ephraim. <sup>2 </sup>Elkanah
had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah did not.</span><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></sup></div>
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<sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3 </span></sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Each year Elkanah would travel to Shiloh to worship and
sacrifice to the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> of Heaven’s
Armies at the Tabernacle. The priests of the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>
at that time were the two sons of Eli—Hophni and Phinehas. <sup>4 </sup>On
the days Elkanah presented his sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to
Peninnah and each of her children. <sup>5 </sup>And though he loved
Hannah, he would give her only one choice portion because the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> had given her no children. <sup>6 </sup>So
Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> had kept her from having children. <sup>7 </sup>Year
after year it was the same—Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the
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<sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">8 </span></sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Why are you crying, Hannah?” Elkanah would ask. “Why aren’t
you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have
me—isn’t that better than having ten sons?”</span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">9 </span></sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Once after a sacrificial meal at Shiloh, Hannah got up and
went to pray. Eli the priest was sitting at his customary place beside the
entrance of the Tabernacle. <sup>10 </sup>Hannah was in deep anguish,
crying bitterly as she prayed to the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.
<sup>11 </sup>And she made this vow: “O <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>
of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and
give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his
entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, his hair will never be cut.”</span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">12 </span></sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As she was praying to the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,
Eli watched her. <sup>13 </sup>Seeing her lips moving but hearing no
sound, he thought she had been drinking. <sup>14 </sup>“Must you come here
drunk?” he demanded. “Throw away your wine!”</span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">15 </span></sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Oh no, sir!” she replied. “I haven’t been drinking wine or
anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to
the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>. <sup>16 </sup>Don’t
think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and
sorrow.”</span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">17 </span></sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“In that case,” Eli said, “go in peace! May the God of
Israel grant the request you have asked of him.”</span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">18 </span></sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Oh, thank you, sir!” she exclaimed. Then she went back and
began to eat again, and she was no longer sad.</span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">19 </span></sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The entire family got up early the next morning and went to
worship the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> once more. Then
they returned home to Ramah. When Elkanah slept with Hannah, the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> remembered her plea, <sup>20 </sup>and
in due time she gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I
asked the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> for him.”</span></div>
</blockquote>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I am so thankful for this chapter. This passage taught me much about the Lord: Children are given by God and it was no mistake that I did not have them yet; God recognizes how heartbreaking it is for a woman who desires children not to have them; I am to respect and consider my husband before the despair of infertility; In my disappointment and anguish I am to turn to God and pour it out to Him; I am to fully expect God to answer my prayers. </span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He really does answer them and He really does still perform miracles. There is no other explanation for this tiny baby growing in my belly. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I can't help but think that my John had something to do with this. I can picture his dark curly hair and his full lips turned up in a smile with the knowledge that the Lord was going to send a little brother or sister to Maggie and Sam. Did John watch as I fell to my knees in disbelief at the positive pregnancy test? Did he count the happy tears that streamed down my face? Did he hear my prayers of thanksgiving as they entered Heaven? Did he laugh when his Daddy didn't believe the news? I think he did. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In our excitement, we can't help but be nervous. "Routine" blood work and ultrasounds don't feel so routine to me. I had some tests ran this morning and I would appreciate your prayers that everything comes back fine. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thank you for your prayers for my family.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Love, <br />Krystle </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-73715447247604620272013-11-27T13:17:00.003-08:002013-11-27T13:17:19.828-08:00Happy Birthday Boys!<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Sam will be one on Friday, November 29th! We are having his birthday party tomorrow while all of our family is together for Thanksgiving. A year has passed and I am filled with such gratitude for Sam, his health and every giggle and mess he adds to our family. His face is always dirty but also has a smile on it. He loves to give kisses and headbutt at the same time. He is kindhearted and rowdy. He is all boy, all the time and I can't help but smile when he tackles his sister or climbs on top of something. He balances out all the glitter and drama of Maggie and I can't imagine our family without him. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I wish I could be wholly focused on the blessing of Sam this week but the truth is my heart is aching. I miss John more intensely than I have in a while. Just a few weeks ago I was positive that Sam's birthday party would be a happy occasion and now I'm worried that I won't be able to make it through "Happy Birthday." It makes me feel guilty that I do not know the perfect way of celebrating Sam while honoring John. Sam deserves a cheerful mama on his birthday and I pray I can be that for him. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I've been on the verge of tears for four days now. It started with an ordinary incident at Target. I was checking out and had obvious baby things in my shopping cart. The older lady behind me asked, "How many children do you have?" Even after a year, I still don't know what to say. Sometimes I say, "Two, a son and a daughter." And then I feel guilty for denying John. Sometimes I say, "I have two living children and an angel." Then, I have to explain all about John and wind up making some unsuspecting stranger cry. Sometimes I say, "Three." But then they ask follow up questions and I feel like a liar for making them think I have three babies at home. I don't know the right thing to say and it bothers me. My heart tells me "three" is the right answer but sometimes (work event, standing in line somewhere, talking to the plumber) it doesn't feel appropriate. If you have lost a child I'd love to know your perspective and how you answer this question. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I've also been thinking a lot lately about John's ashes. I still have them in the beautiful box my dad built. Sometimes it bothers me that I haven't thought of the perfect thing to do with them but nothing feels right. I've thought about scattering them somewhere beautiful, having them turned into a diamond or piece of jewelry and also considered using them in a tattoo! I didn't even know you could put ashes into a tattoo until a friend told me. I doubt I would ever do that but there is something raw and beautiful and symbolic about it. For the time being, I'll keep John's ashes close to me in my office where they have been. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Yesterday at Bible study I was sharing with Terry (our pastor friend who spoke at John's funeral) the guilt and sadness I have been feeling. I told him sometimes I feel panicked that something horrible is about to happen. We are studying Proverbs and right in front of us was Proverbs 3: 24-26: </span></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="text">You can go to bed
without fear;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text">you
will lie down and sleep soundly.</span><span id="en-NLT-16457"></span></div>
<span id="en-NLT-16457"></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="text">You need not be
afraid of sudden disaster</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text">or
the destruction that comes upon the wicked,</span><span id="en-NLT-16458"></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="text">for the </span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><span class="text"> is your security.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I felt refreshed after unpacking this scripture with Terry. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Later I read Proverbs 17:22: </span></span><br />
<br />
A cheerful heart is good medicine,<br />
but a broken spirit saps a person's strength. <br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">You cannot argue with that! My heavy heart is justified but it is also sapping my strength. I'm praying today that the Lord takes captive my thoughts, makes them obedient to Him and lifts my spirit to one of thanksgiving and celebration. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Please join me in this prayer.</span></span> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I hope you have a very blessed and Happy Thanksgiving.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Thank you for your prayers! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-40302993730543986622013-08-13T09:56:00.002-07:002013-08-13T09:56:23.197-07:00Happy Anniversary Wonderfully Made!<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I started this blog one year ago today! That is hard to believe. I can remember the night I sat down at this computer, at this desk and started writing. I did not know what I was going to write or if anyone would read it. My heart wanted to help another mom who might hear "Thanatophoric Dysplasia" and do a web search that comes up with way too many medical journal entries on FGFR3 gene mutations and too few personal stories about miracles or the beautiful short lives of TD babies. I also wanted to document my pregnancy and delivery for Maggie and Sam so that one day when they ask me about John I can accurately recall events and emotions. Selfishly, I also hoped that this blog would keep me from having to have the same painful conversations over and over again with family and friends after each appointment. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I never imagined that my words here would lead to such an amazing outpouring of love and support for my family. I have been blessed repeatedly and extravagantly by your prayers and sweet messages over the past year. From the bottom of my heart - Thank you! I was told it was unlikely I would carry to 36 weeks and I made it just a few days shy - Prayers answered! I was told that John wouldn't be strong enough to make noises and he did for several minutes - Prayers answered! I was told that Sam would more than likely have a NICU stay and he didn't - Prayers answered! You joined me in prayers to see God's goodness and feel His mercy in John's short life and I have over and over again. In my sadness I have experienced real joy and intimacy with my God. Who can ask for more? </span></span><br />
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<span class="text"> "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,</span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for his compassions never fail.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="text">They are new every morning;</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="text"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>great is your faithfulness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="text">I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="text"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>therefore I will wait for
him.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="text">Lamentations 3: 22-24</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="text">These days my house is louder than ever thanks to these two:</span></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4cJwKU4AWQ_Mpz2ZuQ9xG8i1ox03FtmWHaZs_VND5t9jXjRa6cJysOIvqcdvYmh_AOTDadJESmApFTeE8ZA2vaxXRXh0PyLDomNVQckBhSbos_FL63PaKD-rg0cbwSrH4QluyX5yiMvDx/s1600/8.12+maggie+and+sam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4cJwKU4AWQ_Mpz2ZuQ9xG8i1ox03FtmWHaZs_VND5t9jXjRa6cJysOIvqcdvYmh_AOTDadJESmApFTeE8ZA2vaxXRXh0PyLDomNVQckBhSbos_FL63PaKD-rg0cbwSrH4QluyX5yiMvDx/s320/8.12+maggie+and+sam.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="text">Sam is 8.5 months and a babbling, laughing, smiling snuggle bug. He is so happy and easy going. He is starting to crawl and he loves to make messes! Maggie is 2.5 years old and loves to play dress up, read books, sing and tell everyone what to do. Where does she get that from?!? I often wonder how John would fit in with these two. Would he be more like Maggie or Sam or completely different? Even though John isn't here, he is still very present. We remember him in our prayers and talk about why Mama gets sad sometimes. I think of him every time I make any kind of parenting decision for Maggie and Sam. He has made me a more flexible, loving, emotional and spontaneous parent. In this way John continues to bless his brother and sister and I think that's pretty awesome. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="text">I've been listening to this song a lot lately and just wanted to share. Eddie Vedder meant it as a love song but I imagine Christian singing it to John and it perfectly describes loving someone who is gone. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="text"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text">Love,</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text"><span style="color: purple;">Krystle</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-33131716797918329872013-05-30T14:42:00.000-07:002013-05-30T14:42:35.946-07:00Hard<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I'm having a hard moment. I just got a note in the mail from two of the wonderful nurses that cared for us on delivery day saying that they are still thinking about John and they know it has been 6 months since the boys were born. Sam and Maggie are both napping so I guess it is a convenient time to have a good cry. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I move away or dive right in -</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">you are no more or less near.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I put you away then get you out again- </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">no more or less near.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I talk about or talk around -</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">no more or less near.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I stay up all night or sleep sound -</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">no more or less near.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I cry the tears or choke them back -</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">no more or less near.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I stare at your pictures and then repack -</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">no more or less near.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I cannot feel more but I don't want less-</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">no more or less near.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I give up or I do my best -</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">no more or less near. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I would really appreciate your prayers for a lifted spirit this afternoon. I do not write poems but I guess in this moment the above needed to get out. This grief is a funny thing. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-62850159951026492762013-04-29T20:56:00.001-07:002013-04-29T20:56:34.951-07:005 months<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I was playing with Sam this morning and thinking of all the progress he has made in the last 5 months. He is healthy, happy, growing like crazy, starting solids, reaching for things, making all sorts of noises and growing teeth! He is so far from November 29th and I feel like I am not. I am not sure what I was expecting from myself but I know I haven't accomplished it yet. I have done everything I think I can do. I feel like Christian and I have successfully made the transition to having two little ones and we have Sam on a good schedule. Maggie has adjusted remarkably well to a little brother at home and physically I'm more fit than before I got pregnant. Spiritually I feel like I'm in a healthy place of reliance on God and resilience to my circumstances. I guess I just thought I'd emotionally be getting back to myself by now. I look like Krystle, I sound like Krystle, I act like Krystle but I don't feel like Krystle. I'm sure that doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it's the truth and I do not like it. I don't like it that things bother me that shouldn't. For example, Sam has started looking more and more like Christian.... a handsome boy looking like his handsome dad! A few weeks ago my wonderful, loving sister Lene' started calling Sam, "Christian's little twin!" There is no reason that should upset me but I had to ask her to stop. Every time I heard her reference Sam's twin it felt like someone was stabbing my heart. I hated having to ask her to stop and I hated more how her eyes welled up with tears when I mentioned it. She would never do anything to hurt me. I was disappointed in myself that I couldn't just let it go in one ear and out the other and take it for the light-hearted comment it was intended to be. Today I was driving and thinking about my conversation with Lene' and how little I feel like I've mended since November 29th. My head was telling me that John is with the Lord and I should be comforted in the fact that I will see him again but I was feeling disappointed that my heart didn't feel comforted by this truth. Right then I passed a sign that said, "Faith makes it possible, not easy." It
was the exact reminder I needed at the exact moment I needed it. I love
it when God comforts me this way...out of the blue and using something as ordinary as a sign. Although I feel like November 29th was so long ago, it wasn't. It was exactly 5 months ago and it is "not easy." I need to remember this and be easier on myself. I guess with my competitive nature and Type A personality I expected to be a gold star griever and be back to myself in no time! :)<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>I need to stop letting my perceived lack of emotional progress get in the way of my grieving process, whatever that looks like. No one around me expects me to be exactly like I was before John went to Heaven, except me. Most importantly, the Lord doesn't expect me to be working towards being my old self. He gave me John and this heartache for a wonderful reason and that is what I need to focus on.<span class="text 1Thess-5-16" id="en-NLT-29598"><sup> </sup></span></span></span></span><span class="text Rom-8-28" id="en-NLT-28106"></span><span class="text Rom-8-28" id="en-NLT-28106"> </span><br />
<span class="text Rom-8-28" id="en-NLT-28106">"And we know that God causes everything to work together<sup> </sup>for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." - Romans 8:28</span><span class="text 1Thess-5-16" id="en-NLT-29598"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text 1Thess-5-16" id="en-NLT-29598">"</span><span class="text 1Thess-5-16" id="en-NLT-29598">Always be joyful.</span> <span class="text 1Thess-5-17" id="en-NLT-29599">Never stop praying.</span> <span class="text 1Thess-5-18" id="en-NLT-29600">Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 16-18</span><span class="text Jas-1-2"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Jas-1-2">"Dear brothers and sisters,<sup> </sup>when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.</span> <span class="text Jas-1-3" id="en-NLT-30230">For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.</span> <span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NLT-30231">So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." - James 1: 2-4</span><span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-NIV-28248"> </span><span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-NIV-28248"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-NIV-28248">"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2</span><br />
<span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-NIV-28248"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-NIV-28248">Thank you for your prayers for my family!</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-NIV-28248">Love, Krystle</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-NIV-28248"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span class="text Rom-12-2" id="en-NIV-28248"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">P.S. This is not a new song but I have been listening to it a lot lately. I feel like it perfectly describes how you can be so consumed with your emotions/grief/depression and then the next minute realize what is most important and be thankful for your life: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al2DFQEZl4M" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al2DFQEZl4M</a></span></span></span></span><br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-38360609449480670282013-04-02T09:07:00.001-07:002013-04-02T09:08:17.836-07:00Mary and Comforting Tears<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Ever since I became a Christ follower Easter weekend has been emotional for me. On Good Friday I think about Jesus being treated like a criminal, mocked, brutally beaten, separated from God and killed. I always think about how unfair He was treated. On Saturday and Sunday I imagine His followers hiding out, scared for their lives, doubting and grieving over their lost friend and teacher. How hopeless must they have felt? On Sunday I usually think about how amazing it must have been to see Him risen! The disciples must have had that winning redemption feeling! (Warning: this is not a very spiritually mature analogy) You know when you are playing in a big game and you are way behind and the other team has been trash-talking the whole time and you come back and win....WOO HOO!!! You think, "I knew we were going to win all along!" But you were really scared and doubtful. And then to get to see your teacher, friend, Abba again and know everything He said was true! Best. Day. Ever!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">This Easter weekend was different for me. On Good Friday my thoughts were consumed with Mary, the mother of Jesus. I have never read and thought about the Easter story from her perspective before and it tore me up. I thought about the panic she must have felt when she heard the guards were coming for Him. What could she do to keep Him safe? I thought about how it must have felt to be in the crowd in front of Pontius Pilate as people yelled, "Crucify him!" This wasn't some historical figure to her, this was her child. The hurt and agony Mary must have felt as He was stripped and whipped with a lead-tipped whip. Her baby that she cradled and nursed having His fleshed ripped apart as people cheered. Regardless of how you feel about Christ, you cannot deny the suffering His mother must have endured watching Him bleed and be tortured. When I imagine Mary at the foot of the cross looking up and praying that her son's chest would rise and fall just one more time, it hits way too close to home and brings me to my knees. One thing I learned since the death of my sweet John is that your desire to mother and take care of your baby does not end with your child's life. You still feel responsible and very protective of your baby's earthly body. Once Jesus was dead I'm sure Mary was wondering, "What now!? What are they going to do with my Jesus?" We know from scripture that a wealthy member of the Jewish high council named Joseph went to Pilate and asked for Jesus' body. Joseph wrapped Jesus' body in linen and placed him in his own newly carved tomb. I wonder if Mary had anything to do with that? Regardless, she must have felt relieved and so thankful when she heard that Pilate gave her son's body to a believer and friend and that He would receive a proper burial. After following His body to the tomb she went home with the other women and made preparations. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">The verses about Mary and the other women preparing spices and ointments take me back to the first few days after John's death. So many decisions to make, such a desire to do everything perfectly for your beloved child, so many tears mixed with numbness, and so many loving women to help. Mothers, sisters, aunts, and girlfriends, these are the beautiful souls that help you do the sacred work of burying your baby and saying good bye. The same women who come alongside you when you have a new baby or an illness in your family. They think of all the things that you cannot and are extra hands to do what has to be done without you having to ask. Who else can you share your raw emotions with except those who know what it is like to love as a mother, daughter and sister? I know Mary was readying herself to see her son's broken, cold body as she walked to the tomb early Easter morning. I'm sure she was heartbroken when she first noticed that the stone had been rolled away. Where did they take her son? The women walked inside the tomb and saw a man dressed in dazzling white robes. He told the women that Jesus was not there, He had risen! The angel said to go quickly and tell the disciples that Jesus was alive and that He was going to Galilee. They would see Him again! In that instant Mary's heartache turned to hope and joy. So much information and so many questions but none of that mattered - she would see her baby boy again! Hallelujah! Scripture says the women ran away "quickly from the tomb." I love the image of these middle-aged women in this joyous sprint. How fast could my feet carry me to my baby? What happened next is so beautiful, just imagine it as a mother:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="color: black;">"And as they went, Jesus met them and greeted them. And they ran to Him, grasped His feet, and worshiped Him."</span> (Matthew 28:9) Praise God!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">The miracle of Easter sustains me and promises me that through grace John has risen as well and through grace I will go to the Lord and John. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">On Sunday, we went to church in Waco at First United Methodist with Christian's family. As we walked in I saw a sign that said "Communion" in a little room off the lobby. I told Christian that I'd be right back and took Maggie with me into the small room. There was a very nice elderly women in there named Rochelle who would give me communion. She stood behind the padded kneeler and shook my hand and said, "Nice to know you!" I loved that because that is what my Granny always said when she met someone. I knelt down as Maggie stood next to me holding my hand. Rochelle asked if I had any prayer requests or specific concerns weighing on my heart. I told her about John and how thankful I was for the gift of Easter but that I couldn't feel the joy in my heart as I would like to this morning. She held my hand, patted it and prayed for me with tears streaming down her cheeks. As she prayed Maggie stood perfectly still and quiet (which never happens) and stroked my hand with hers. I looked up and committed the moment to memory. It was so beautiful. I was kneeling with Maggie standing beside me holding my hand with her eyes closed and Rochelle standing before me holding my other hand with both of hers as she prayed and wept with me. Two women more than 70 years apart nursing my heart and loving on me. When Rochelle prayed, "Thank you Lord for John and for his eternal life in Heaven...." Maggie said, "With Jesus!" We both started laughing and told her that she was right. Maggie stood through the rest of the prayer with her eyes closed and when Rochelle and I said, "Amen." Maggie yelled, "Amen! God Wins!" I will always remember that communion as a holy moment in my life.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">My communion with Rochelle reminded me of a poem I read a few weeks ago on a blog that I follow called "Cheetos for Breakfast." A friend of the blogger wrote this poem after losing her son at 21 weeks pregnant. </span></span><br />
<br />
<u><b>No Words, Just Tears</b></u><br />
They told me to recline for labor,<br />
But I was on my knees.<br />
I was on my knees<br />
When I learned who you were.<br />
Knees on the floor,<br />
Hands in the air,<br />
So much cause for praise.<br />
I was on my knees,<br />
Clearing the garden,<br />
Planting seeds in the rain. <br />
They wrapped the monitor around<br />
And it moved up and down <br />
With your body.<br />
You were kicking against it<br />
As hard as I was.<br />
You were never on your knees.<br />
She said she lost hers, same as mine<br />
Twenty years ago.<br />
She caught my son, she felt the weight.<br />
She knows. She knows.<br />
One day gone, and clothes hang loose.<br />
All of me is too small without you.<br />
Every sight of mother with child<br />
Whispers, <i>My son, my son, my son.</i><br />
The longing all day, the longing all life,<br />
For the moment to recline.<br />
We push, we writhe, on cursed ground.<br />
You drive us to our knees.<br />
They say they want to take the work,<br />
They tell me to be still.<br />
They’ll cook, they’ll clean, leave me undone:<br />
You forget I was <i>made</i> for labor.<br />
Let me weep, with feeble hands reverse<br />
The mundane disorder I can control. <br />
Milk is here and you are not.<br />
We touch each other to quell the grief.<br />
I hold your brothers in my arms,<br />
Your father wraps around me.<br />
There’s nothing to do but wait<br />
For the milk of the Promised Land.<br />
I will see your face. I will hold your face.<br />
On Your knees, sweating blood,<br />
Wrestling over life to be lost and won.<br />
I watch the blood flow, the scar site burns;<br />
My son is lost to me.<br />
Your Son was lost to You.<br />
You know. You know.<br />
And I am on my knees.<br />
I am on my knees.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">How beautiful is that poem? Doesn't it sum it all up? What tender and powerful images!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">As I told Rochelle about John, she held my hand and nodded as if she too had known this kind of loss. She did not try to make it better or say something about the bright side. She just shook her head and cried. The silence and tears from this stranger were so comforting. Friends, if you find yourself face to face with someone who is hurting and you don't know what to say, say just that, or nothing at all. I am just as guilty as everyone else about wanting to say the one thing that will make it all better. Our intentions are from a loving place. Our hearts ache for our loved ones who are grieving and we want to do and say everything we can to alleviate the pain. I know that "I love you" and "I'm thinking of you" and "I don't know what to say" do not sound like enough but they are. As the blogger wrote about her friend</span></span>, <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"Let's let her speak when she is ready....We'll be quiet and mourn with her. No words. Just tears."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I hope each of you had a blessed Easter weekend. Thank you for your continued prayers for my family.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-2029716541044851892013-03-19T21:31:00.001-07:002013-03-19T21:31:28.227-07:00At vs. With<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I just read a story about a 26 year old woman who delivered twins and then smothered them. I cannot describe how much this hurts my heart. My tears do nothing to express the white hot anger and heartache I feel. She carried to term and delivered two healthy babies in her laundry room and then took their little lives. Lord, this is not fair! How do you allow this evil and this total disregard of beautiful innocent babies!?!? I do not understand and I am angry. I am angry that You would bestow these lavish and perfect gifts on an evil, sick person who did not realize their worth. I am angry that I wake up at night and hear John crying. I am angry that when Maggie and Sam are both asleep I feel like my work isn't done. I am angry that I feel like I should be making more bottles, singing more lullabies and rocking another baby to sleep. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As I was having a very hard moment tonight I remembered a passage from <u>The Magician's Nephew</u> by C. S. Lewis that I read in high school. I found the passage I was thinking about summarized by an Episcopal priest named Michael Blewett:</span></span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"a boy named Digory finds himself face-to-face with Aslan, the great
lion (and Christ-figure). Digory’s mother is very ill and, ever since
he had heard of the great Aslan, wondered if there was something Aslan
could give him that would cure his mother and make things the way they
used to be. Until that moment in the meeting, Digory had been looking
down a Aslan’s great, clawed paws. But when Digory lifted his eyes to
look into Aslan’s face, he saw something that surprised him more than
anything in his life:<em></em></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>“<strong>For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion’s eyes. </strong>They
were such big, bright tears compared with Digory’s own that for a
moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his Mother
than he was himself.”</em></blockquote>
<em></em><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I love this passage! It reminds me that I am angry and sad <i>with</i> God, not <i>at </i>Him. The Lord's heart is breaking along with mine and so much more deeply. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Honestly, I do not know why God allows bad things to happen, especially to babies. I do not have all answers and I sometimes doubt. But that's okay. Our God is big enough for our doubts and you better believe that if your heart is breaking, so is His. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I read this tonight from <u>I Will Carry You</u> by Angie Smith: </span></span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I'm sure that you can think of areas in life where you feel let down by God, even things that have pushed you away from relationship with Him. I won't say I don't understand the questioning because quite frankly it makes all the human sense in the world. What kind of God watches a mother hold her dying baby? Would you allow me to enter into your heart a bit here? I believe that everything that happens in our lives, however awful, is an opportunity to bring glory to Jesus. Have I wished it had been in a different way? Of course I do. And you probably do too. If I choose to, I can hold that against Him. I can let it embitter me for the rest of my days, as I walk around finding holes in everything He has done. All of us will have times of crisis. The most we can do is put our hands on the stone and accept what happens next with the grace that says circumstances will define neither God's love for us nor our love for God.</blockquote>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I can choose to be angry <i>at</i> God and push Him away or I can put my hope in His word and be angry <i>with</i> God and let Him hold me as I grieve. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18<br />
<br />
"Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." Psalm 119: 49-50<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Love, Krystle</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-66935167857820347222013-03-11T14:04:00.003-07:002013-03-11T14:05:48.545-07:00A Tree Grows in Austin<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">On February 6th my family received one of the most thoughtful and generous gifts we have ever received. Our dear friends Brian Haley and Cyndi & Joe Krier had a tree planted on UT's campus in honor of John and our family. The tree is a Shumard Red Oak and it was planted in the courtyard of Rainey Hall on the South Mall (or Six-pack to you Longhorns!) I took classes in Rainey Hall as an undergrad and remember sitting on a bench across from the courtyard and reading. It was supposed to be a rainy day but the weather was beautiful and the whole planting and dedication was perfect! Below I've posted some pictures and the sweet prayers that were offered by our wonderful friends.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Invocation by Brian Haley:</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">God of Heaven and earth, the work of your
hands is made known in your bountiful creation and in the lives of those who
live their lives in your grace. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Today we especially remember the life of John
Kay Alvarado and trust in your promise of everlasting life and love. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Be present
with us this day as we mark John's life and remember him through the planting
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And we celebrate and honor the lives of
Krystle and Christian Alvarado and Maggie and Sam Alvarado.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We give you thanks for their lives and ask
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">May this tree speak the power of your life in
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I was the first to help plant the tree.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maggie wanted to help too!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ZZ and Aunt Lene' helping.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sharing a laugh with Cyndi.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My mom and dad showing us their tree planting skills.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The whole gang!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our family with John's tree. I love this picture!</td></tr>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Benediction by Cyndi Taylor Krier: </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Creator of life and Sustainer of
seed and soil, of tree and flower,</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> You have created this world and
all that is in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We come to You with this prayer
of dedication and blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Join us in dedicating this
Shumard Red Oak tree<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in memory of John
Kay Alvarado,</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> who You continue to hold in Your
generous grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May this tree remind us
of John whom we love, and who is held forever in Your never-ending love. </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We also dedicate this tree in
honor of John's Family –<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Krystle, Christian,
Maggie and Sam Alvarado.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May they grow
in Your grace as this tree grows.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">In the Garden of Eden, You
planted the tree of life and the tree of knowledge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">May this oak tree be both: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>May its leaves send forth the life-breath of
oxygen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>May its branches provide living spaces for the
birds of the air that shall rest there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>May You give wisdom to those who study in its
shade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>And, may this oak give to all who look upon it
the gift of life-renewing beauty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Help this tree dig deep roots and
grow wide branches to bear witness to Your abundant love and grace. We ask for
Your blessing upon this tree and</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> upon all who gather here today
and in the future. </span>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Amen.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“But
blessed are those who trust in the Lord</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: black;">and have made the
Lord their hope and confidence.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They are
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: black;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with roots that reach deep into the water.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Such
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: black;">or worried by
long months of drought.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Their
leaves stay green,</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: black;">and they never
stop producing fruit.”</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I love that it is a special
place where many people will see and enjoy it. I look forward to going to
visit the tree in a few weeks when it is sprouting new leaves. I plan on taking
pictures of Maggie and Sam in front of it as they grow and maybe one day one of
them will study under it while they are at UT. Thank you Brian, Cyndi and
Joe for blessing my family in this way!</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I wish each of you could meet Sam. He is such a smiley little thing and growing bigger everyday. He loves to be held, especially by his Mama, and it does my heart so much good. When I'm missing John I hold Sam and tell him about it. He looks at me and smiles and I feel the ache dissipate. I feel like he's the only person in the world who understands how much I miss John.</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Thank you for your prayers for my family. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -9.0pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Love, Krystle </span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Elephant","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Elephant","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Elephant","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-61902908997973008862013-01-29T13:27:00.000-08:002013-01-29T13:27:39.136-08:00Two months<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Out of the blue last night Maggie asked me where Baby John was? I reminded her that Baby John was in Heaven and she added, "With Jesus!" I told her she was right and gave her a kiss. She came back over to me and said, "Maggie see Baby John." I told her we could look at pictures of him and I took her to my office to show her the framed pictures I have of him. She pointed out Sam and John and kissed them both. Then she looked at me and said, "Maggie hold Baby John." I've had similar conversations with her four times over the past two months but for some reason last night I couldn't be happy as I explained to her why we couldn't hold Baby John. My heart broke and I sobbed. She continued to tell me, "Baby John at Maggie's house! Maggie hold Baby John!" She said it over and over and got louder and more upset. I just stared at her with tears streaming down my face and thought that's exactly what my heart is crying out to the Lord, "Baby John at Krystle's house! Krystle hold Baby John!" Thankfully, Christian walked in the door a minute later and Maggie forgot about demanding to see Baby John and ran up to her Daddy for a hug. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Since that moment last night, John has been at the front of my mind. Last night after I fed Sam at 2am, I sat up thinking about John. I wondered if he will still be a baby when I get to Heaven or if he is growing alongside Sam? If he's still a baby, who is taking care of him? I pictured my Granny sitting and rocking him in her lap. One of her most favorite things was to sit and rock a baby and sing. That made me smile. Then I thought about how the Bible promises that we will be healed and restored in Heaven so John must look different than he did when I held him because his chest was so small his lungs didn't develop. That lead me to thinking about how Revelations talks about singing in Heaven and how John would need lungs for that too. Then I wondered if he would be a child or a man when I see him in Paradise? I shouldn't be worried about this but the planner in me wants to know what I'm supposed to be looking for when I get there? An infant, a child or man? I was feeling very anxious and started to pray. Immediately, I heard that I was supposed to be looking for Jesus, now and when I get to Heaven. So I went to bed trusting that the Lord had restored John and being content that I will just have to wait to see how "old" he is in Heaven.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I know I am extra emotional today because it is the 29th. I wonder if the 29th will always be hard? Like everything else, I'm sure only time will tell. Today marks two months since I had my boys and today my Samuel is two months old. I'm thankful that I have so much more joy than sorrow. In some ways it is much easier to live day to day with a child in Heaven than it is to live daily with a baby that has a terminal diagnosis. The not knowing, the holding out for hope and the fear of what is to come is draining and makes you heart sick. When I am sad now, I am sad for myself, I am not sad for John because I know he is in Paradise and was so loved while he was here. The fear that your child will be in pain or that you aren't doing the right thing for your child is much worse in my experience. I feel like King David must have experienced the same thing in 2 Samuel 12: 13-23:</span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Sam-12-13">Then David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.”<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>Nathan replied,<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>“Yes, but the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin.</span> <span class="text 2Sam-12-14" id="en-NLT-8277">Nevertheless, because you have shown utter contempt for the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span><sup> </sup>by doing this, your child will die.”</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Sam-12-15" id="en-NLT-8278">After Nathan returned to his home, the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> sent a deadly illness to the child of David and Uriah’s wife.</span> <span class="text 2Sam-12-16" id="en-NLT-8279">David begged God to spare the child. He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground.</span> <span class="text 2Sam-12-17" id="en-NLT-8280">The elders of his household pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Sam-12-18" id="en-NLT-8281">Then
on the seventh day the child died. David’s advisers were afraid to tell
him. “He wouldn’t listen to reason while the child was ill,” they said.
“What drastic thing will he do when we tell him the child is dead?”</span> When David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. “Is the child dead?” he asked.<span class="text 2Sam-12-20" id="en-NLT-8283">“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”<sup class="versenum"></sup>Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions,and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate.</span><span class="text 2Sam-12-21" id="en-NLT-8284"> His
advisers were amazed. “We don’t understand you,” they told him. “While
the child was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that
the child is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.”</span></span></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Sam-12-22" id="en-NLT-8285">David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> will be gracious to me and let the child live.’</span> <span class="text 2Sam-12-23" id="en-NLT-8286">But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.”</span></span></span></blockquote>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This passage also reaffirms what I know to be true: 1) Babies go to Heaven 2) The appropriate response to grief is to worship the Lord and 3) I will see John again one day. Praise God!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Mr. Sam is healthy and growing like a weed!
He had his two month well-check yesterday and he weighs 10 lbs 3oz and
is 21 inches long. That puts him in the 2% range for height and 8% for
weight but when you adjust for his five weeks of prematurity he is
75% for weight and 40% for height. We are blessed that he is
healthy and thriving. Maggie had her 2 year well-check yesterday and she
is doing awesome as well, 35% weight and 70% height and ahead of every milestone. They each got
three shots and they handled it better than Mama did! </span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I want to share with you an wonderful praise and an amazing example of the power of prayer. On January 8th I woke up feeling rejuvenated and like myself for the first time in months. Sam had slept very well and had only woken twice to eat and then he went right back to sleep. It was the first time we had a "good" night where everyone slept. At 8:56am I received a Facebook message from a friend asking how I slept last night. This friend is someone from my hometown that I knew growing up; however, we do not talk on a daily basis she did not know that I hadn't been sleeping because of Sam's day-night reversal. I replied to her that it was the best sleep I had gotten since the boys were born. She then shared with me that the night before she had been praying and found herself talking to John and asking him to send Sam some sleep angels so that I could get some rest and continue to heal from my c-section. How amazing is that!!?! God answered her prayer almost immediately! He reminded us of the power of prayer and that He is listening! </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thank you for your continued prayers for my family. They work!</span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Love, Krystle</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">P.S. I wouldn't mind if a few of you prayed for Sam to start sleeping through the night! :)</span></span><br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-52361564986187968712012-12-22T02:34:00.004-08:002012-12-22T02:37:53.855-08:00John's service<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I cannot believe it has already been 2 weeks since John's service and over 3 weeks since my boys were born. Time is moving so quickly. Some days I'm glad and think I must be one day closer to feeling "normal" again and other days it scares me because I'm worried I might forget what John felt like in my arms or the way he smelled. Yesterday was my birthday and I shared with a friend that I keep waiting for the morning that I wake up and it feels like the holidays and I feel like celebrating. She told me that it might not happen this year, and that's okay. She's right - I don't know why I needed someone else to tell me it was okay if I didn't feel like celebrating but I did. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I meant to write about John's service last week but it never felt right. Right now, it's 3am and I'm snuggling Sam and it feels right. So as this angel sleeps on my chest I will remember my angel that sleeps in Heavenly peace. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We were discharged from the hospital on Sunday, December 2nd and spent much of the following week getting ready for John's service. Christian's mom, Margarita, stayed with us for the entire week and we were so blessed to have her here. She entertained Maggie, kept the house running, ran errands, made sure everyone was fed and helped with Sam so that I could get some rest. She also just listened and loved on me and made a difficult time more bearable. I am so fortunate to have not one, but two, wonderful and loving moms. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">On Thursday, December 6th, my mom and dad went to the funeral home to be present for John's cremation. I wanted someone to be there but I couldn't do it myself. My mom and dad held him and kissed him and told me afterward that he still looked beautiful and peaceful. Later that afternoon they brought John home. It was hard but felt good to have him here. My dad made the box John is in and it is beautiful. It took him months to build and he made it out of a fallen tree he found out at their house. It is also a music box that plays, "How Great Thou Art" and has a silver plate on the front that says "John Kay Alvarado." I will post pictures of it soon. Having John in the box my dad built for him makes me feel like John is less alone, even though I know John is in Heaven and not in the box. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">They day of the funeral I woke up and remember thinking, "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." I knew I wouldn't be "glad" but I reminded myself that the Lord was with us and had chosen this path for us so I should rejoice in that truth. The morning was calm and spent getting the house ready for the friends and family that would be coming over after the service. I began to feel nervous when I started getting dressed. I remember having a slow motion feeling as I put on my makeup and looked in the mirror. I thought, "Am I really getting dressed for my baby's funeral? How did this happen? How do you choose an eyeshadow color to wear to your child's funeral?" I was on the verge of breaking down when Christian came in and said something to me. I don't remember what it was but it helped me keep it together through getting dressed. Christian and I went to the church early so that we could take John ourselves and make sure everything was set up. Christian drove as I sat with John on my lap. We held hands and didn't speak. You hear people say, "There are no words...." but you don't know it until you find yourself in one of those moments. On that short drive to the church, with John on my lap, it was so obvious what we were heading to do that there were no words. I didn't know what to pray for so I prayed for the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf and to be preparing my heart to hear what He wanted me to.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Christian carried John into the church and as I watched him I thought about how much growing up we had done together in the past 8 years. He looked handsome and sad and I fell in love with him again in that moment.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Family began showing up and it was so nice to see everyone. As we waited for the funeral to start I had many special moments with loved ones that I will never forget. Terry came and told us it was time to get started and he prayed over our family before we walked out. I felt shaky but Christian held my hand and led me to our seats. After Terry welcomed everyone we sang the two songs we had selected, "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman and "How Great Thou Art." Despite my broken heart I worshiped! I poured out my sadness to the Lord and felt His presence. I remember singing, "And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on, a glorious light beyond all compare. And there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes, we'll live to know You here on the earth" and thinking, "Yes, Lord!" I lifted my hand as we sang "When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation, And take me home, What joy shall fill my heart." I smiled and thought of how thankful I was for the knowledge that I would see my baby boy again. Terry read Psalm 139: 13-16 and spoke about how John was indeed "Wonderfully made" and how he was the Lord's child and that his purpose was carried out in the short time he was here. He shared what he saw in the hospital as we loved John into and out of this world and spoke on how beautiful this experience was because of God's involvement in it. I wish I had recorded it because Terry's words were perfect and a salve to my injured heart. He said many meaningful things but the thing that has stuck with me the most and I find myself repeating every day is, "Death did not take John, God did." When I think of it like that it brings me peace and understanding. John is not gone, he is very much alive and spending time in the presence of the Lord waiting on us to be together again. Death did not take my precious boy, God did! </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When Terry was finished Jenny sang, "Godspeed" by the Dixie Chicks. She did an amazing job and I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. As she sang I remember willing myself to let go of all the future plans I had made for John and Sam together - matching outfits, same little league teams, living room wrestling matches, bunk beds. Then I thought about his first word I would never hear, birthday pictures I wouldn't take, skinned knees I wouldn't kiss and his little hands I would never hold again on Earth. I closed my eyes, gave it all to God, prayed, "Thy will be done" and felt comforted in that moment. At the end of the service we played "If We Never Meet Again This Side of Heaven" by Johnny Cash - Christian's touch of course! </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We spent the afternoon catching up with family and friends. I was so touched by all the people who came to celebrate John! I was joyful in the company of so many wonderful, loving people. Thank you to each of you who attended! </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This past weekend in church our pastor preached on making sense of the senseless. It was a wonderful message and we read 2 Corinthians 1:3-7:</span></span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="text 2Cor-1-3"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,</span> <span class="text 2Cor-1-4" id="en-NIV-28805"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-1-5" id="en-NIV-28806"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-1-6" id="en-NIV-28807"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-1-7" id="en-NIV-28808"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I read over this scripture a few times this week and it made me wonder about what people have suffered so that they could be a comfort to me during this season of my life. So many people have brought me comfort and compassion and I know you can only do that out of a heart that also knows suffering and distress. It is my prayer that each of you realize what a blessing you have been to my family through your compassion and comfort, which were brought about through your previous sufferings. I hope you can see and feel the way God is restoring you heart. It is also my prayer that I use my troubled heart to pour love and comfort on those who need it. If there are those I can comfort through my experience, I want to. There is no better way for me to honor my John. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-87946129697160055782012-12-12T12:31:00.001-08:002012-12-12T12:31:27.484-08:00John & Sam's birth story<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Friends and Family,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Every day I wake up with the intention of writing about my boys' birth and John's memorial service. Some days it feels too painful to write, some days I'm at a loss for words and other days I'm just too tired. I don't know if it is the grief, lack of sleep or baby blues but I am not as productive as I used to be! This morning I feel thankful and semi-well rested so here I am. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">On November 28th I started to have sporadic contractions and other labor signs. I called my doctor and he recommended coming in at 11am. I had a feeling that this time was different but I was not scared. My mom rode with me and we sat quietly praying and listening to praise music. I was sent to Labor & Delivery to be observed. They saw that I was having contractions and so we waited to see Dr. U. He came in around 3pm and said I was dilating but it could still be another day or two. He said that since I was there, there was no used to waiting to deliver because he felt that it was imminent and he was worried about John's head size growing much larger. After prayer I felt that we should move forward and I asked if we could wait until the morning. I wanted to wait so that all our family had time to get to the hospital and so that I would have one last night with my boys. My csection was scheduled for 7am the next morning. I was checked into the hospital and our birth/care plan was put into action. St. David's did a phenomenal job of addressing each aspect of our birth plan. They put me in a large L&D suite across from a nurses station and away from other delivering moms. My nurses were amazing and treated me with love and tenderness. Everyone did their best to accommodate me and my family and I will forever be grateful to them. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Over the next few hours family trickled in from across Texas to love on us and await Sam and John's arrival. I felt relieved that we had decided to stay and schedule the csection because at 1am my water broke - these boys were coming on November 29th all along! God knows what a planner I am and He saved us from the panicked, middle of the night rush to the hospital. My contractions got progressively worse and closer together throughout the night. I was offered pain medication but I wanted to feel the entire experience and I didn't want to be sleepy or groggy when I met my boys for the first time. Our wonderful pastors, Terry and Ryan, prayed over us before I was wheeled to the OR. I felt a Heavenly reassurance. I remember hugging and kissing my family as I went into the delivery room and Christian telling me that he loved me and he'd be in the OR soon. I remember feeling thankful that I didn't break down or have to be carried into the OR....I went willingly and felt peace. Two nurses had me stand in front of a fetal monitor so they could listen to the boys to make sure they weren't under any stress before we started. They tracked Sam right away. He was being still. It took them almost 10 minutes to monitor John. He kept moving and kicking so they had a hard time monitoring him. I started crying and thinking that he knew what was coming and he was just trying to buy himself a little more time in my belly with his brother. The nurses grabbed my hands and spoke kind words. When I looked around the room I noticed there were at least 20 people buzzing around. One of Dr. U's nurses that I've known for years came up to me and hugged me. She was crying too and she held onto me as they started putting the spinal in my back. I started to shake and I repeated over and over again, "My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:26 </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Dr. U came in and hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay. A few minutes later I saw Christian and my mom enter. It felt so good to have Christian at my side and holding my hand. He calmed me down and helped me breathe through the waves of nausea. Dr. U said it was time to get started. Only 3 or 4 minutes later they told us to get ready to meet John. Dr. U held him up over the curtain and John cried! Our sweet baby boy was alive and breathing and crying! I said, "Praise God!" and they took him to wipe him down and clear his throat and nose. One minute later, Dr. U said, "Here is Sam!" and held him over the curtain. I remember thinking, "God is good!" and "He has really long legs!" Before I knew it, Christian was holding John and bringing him over to me. I rubbed my face on his and kissed his cheek. We told him we loved him and that we were so happy to meet him. He was so sweet and chubby and he smelled like Heaven. He was making noises so he must be able to breathe! I looked to Dr. B (who was there to assess if we should change our care plan in case John came out healthier than expected) and he smiled at me and said we had made all the right decisions and that John might have 30 minutes to a few hours to live. I closed my eyes and told myself that this cup of suffering would not pass but it was hard to believe it with that sweet angel on my chest. Christian came back over and was holding Sam. I asked how Sam was doing and everyone said, "Great!" and "Better than expected!" Praise God! I nuzzled Sam and looked at John and smiled. My boys were here and they were beautiful and my heart overflowed. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I took a minute to look around the OR and everyone was smiling at us. Christian, my mom, Lene' (how did she get in here!!?!), both doctors and all my nurses were smiling and oohing and ahhing over my boys and I was a proud mama! Not long after that we all went back to my room as a family, as we had prayed for. Our family that was there came in and got to meet Sam and John. I thought that it would be hard to let others hold John but it wasn't. I wanted to show him off and watch him get loved on by all his family. I remember sitting and smiling as I watched Sam and John get passed from person to person. I loved hearing how one had my mouth and one had my eyes and how much dark hair each of them had. When John's heart rate started to slow he was back in my arms. I don't remember if everyone left the room or if I just didn't notice people any longer but for the remaining moments I held John and told him not to be afraid. I told him that I was so proud of him and so proud to be his mama. I told him that he could leave us and go to Jesus now if it was his time and I promised him that I would see him again soon. I rubbed his face and nose and sang him "This Little Light of Mine." I held his little hands and kissed his fingers. I remember Christian sitting beside me the whole time and holding Sam. Our family surrounded my bed and Terry lead us in prayer. I noticed that John was going longer and longer in between breaths and I started praying. At 9:50am, the neonatologist came in and checked John's pulse. He told me he was very sorry but that John was no longer with us. I looked down and in my arms was a beautiful sleeping baby boy who only ever knew love. He was in Paradise and being welcomed by angels and Christ himself, but my heart broke. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">After John passed I unwrapped him and looked at every inch of his little body. He was perfect from his dark wavy hair down to his itty bitty toenails. He he had his first bath with Sam and the nurses brought them to my bedside so that I could watch as they were cleaned. While the boys were laying next to each other, Sam nestled close to John and put his tiny arm around him. It was the cutest thing! </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">A little while later, Mr. Hanson from the funeral home came to pick up John. Everyone left the room and gave me and Christian time alone with John and Sam to say good bye. I don't remember what I said but I know that when it was time for me to hand over John, I could not. I couldn't let him go. His daddy had to pick him up out of my arms and give him to Mr. Hanson. I couldn't watch them wrap him up and I couldn't watch them walk out the door. Tears filled my eyes as I was consumed with the worst feeling imaginable. I sobbed and shook until the pain in my csection incision begged me to stop and I realized that Maggie and Sam would suffer if I didn't heal quickly. I don't really remember anything after that on November 29th. It was a beautiful, awesome and painful day. I can see many blessings that were poured on me throughout the labor and delivery of my sons. Thank you for your part in that. Even though this bitter cup did not pass, I can celebrate the fact that God was glorified in John's short life. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">John's memorial service was on December 8th and it was beautiful and joyful. I will write about it in a few days. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Below are a few photos from November 29th. These were taken by Bill Peary with Peary Photography. Bill did an amazing job capturing our love, excitement and loss. We were honored that he was there and I'm so thankful I'll always have these pictures. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_3jjkBns10JfIzeYsTyUttwweSkvd3-X6W3kFkN11fw_C7VUnXZnVVPaXqdnaOhwb8v3FV4hudcfKmvdpsGvp8pOt4U6yiuzfy41euRIgbFwDuM-kOu3vvdO6g9kvUuQUP3uTuadaRFt3/s1600/Alvarado-1055.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_3jjkBns10JfIzeYsTyUttwweSkvd3-X6W3kFkN11fw_C7VUnXZnVVPaXqdnaOhwb8v3FV4hudcfKmvdpsGvp8pOt4U6yiuzfy41euRIgbFwDuM-kOu3vvdO6g9kvUuQUP3uTuadaRFt3/s320/Alvarado-1055.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Happy mama with her boys!</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9PsIV4U5TPuaWPIqegcJWCqn-EdsVkftjFeBlVAY86txLdbUfApzLtfxJz0hEzQe3F4PeBDKSpFB5SoeOkGG-_cK7zMuh_QePdzJNMQ-KmcHnKwaog_y8CzW9zaeRv0EJFvvqKOITDTO3/s1600/Alvarado-1071.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9PsIV4U5TPuaWPIqegcJWCqn-EdsVkftjFeBlVAY86txLdbUfApzLtfxJz0hEzQe3F4PeBDKSpFB5SoeOkGG-_cK7zMuh_QePdzJNMQ-KmcHnKwaog_y8CzW9zaeRv0EJFvvqKOITDTO3/s320/Alvarado-1071.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Proud mama and daddy!</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYG0SPbXTmO78BcSW8PqmP5FBuGJRC-O7J1IJ0CLl6HL6y4iR1iEWM8LrDwm80qg-ZHMBICm-nhx72lvi4D-yqxeY9wwUD33dWQPb5z9Kf5m-2q9WiBrptjOTl6O0sJQeHbkyxG4kqiblt/s1600/Alvarado-1116.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYG0SPbXTmO78BcSW8PqmP5FBuGJRC-O7J1IJ0CLl6HL6y4iR1iEWM8LrDwm80qg-ZHMBICm-nhx72lvi4D-yqxeY9wwUD33dWQPb5z9Kf5m-2q9WiBrptjOTl6O0sJQeHbkyxG4kqiblt/s320/Alvarado-1116.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Holding hands</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVjVfdadtEPK3JPGRl7wvKDKGknFYh3Cv0Rxe4apf49svWcnhFcnVuDF8tw-cXPQIbaOvaqKRwOxpNgQL2wajclsa_7X13n7SyoTPgm9Q64N3DjWgWZ7MfQSIwarMUbxdW4X4nd_27Q1C-/s1600/Alvarado-1175.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVjVfdadtEPK3JPGRl7wvKDKGknFYh3Cv0Rxe4apf49svWcnhFcnVuDF8tw-cXPQIbaOvaqKRwOxpNgQL2wajclsa_7X13n7SyoTPgm9Q64N3DjWgWZ7MfQSIwarMUbxdW4X4nd_27Q1C-/s320/Alvarado-1175.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Family pouring love on us</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIdnTIeZnYo8c3kYqImOkuOQBdOKZGmykdDW55y5FZ-wxDddLjL8V-zov0EzrK8VEFQZZAPZMo4Re_2QNkc4KHkFDaV5YTg7BNC43PkY6EOXf7uGlcBPjFUnwXe4XUHTtQHCi0YbujM6y8/s1600/Alvarado-1202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIdnTIeZnYo8c3kYqImOkuOQBdOKZGmykdDW55y5FZ-wxDddLjL8V-zov0EzrK8VEFQZZAPZMo4Re_2QNkc4KHkFDaV5YTg7BNC43PkY6EOXf7uGlcBPjFUnwXe4XUHTtQHCi0YbujM6y8/s320/Alvarado-1202.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Prayers for our angel boy</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWThqWWksIZxDW_Qaf5cIbGvM93wAykM2ZI_1FaYftPHwycy5l9LTraYD72DcZyeAzucX-X1EBGYeAUMac5H5yy2S177qoa8Sxab7J0oKvhL4IKO9jF4aHSTyLIHEY8AzIUeAerHVYvukw/s1600/IMG_8493.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWThqWWksIZxDW_Qaf5cIbGvM93wAykM2ZI_1FaYftPHwycy5l9LTraYD72DcZyeAzucX-X1EBGYeAUMac5H5yy2S177qoa8Sxab7J0oKvhL4IKO9jF4aHSTyLIHEY8AzIUeAerHVYvukw/s320/IMG_8493.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Brotherly love</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi97E7673f2yMmhsoZbB02b73h0owd5FACH5CJqqEtwAVis-BKKTLPbm_GtuhxBAA43t572PIBDxmeGWm8H0doTCcJ3BUGBZsKa51mgWy7AiKEVwJZ31QBkU8CPRm-CMCYKjUu8hs0lMw7l/s1600/IMG_2123b+-+Copyalt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi97E7673f2yMmhsoZbB02b73h0owd5FACH5CJqqEtwAVis-BKKTLPbm_GtuhxBAA43t572PIBDxmeGWm8H0doTCcJ3BUGBZsKa51mgWy7AiKEVwJZ31QBkU8CPRm-CMCYKjUu8hs0lMw7l/s320/IMG_2123b+-+Copyalt.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">John and Sam</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUDXYSqy-t2MBE5CNjeATJBG-0PrA2XYdan5XY-7kxR5D7-Zj2fHr5NqcaVq0ONDFtF4V2j2uglUM_oe7GAMo7fBbowKM7upRRRVvm8wj7RF6cwIxoSuZITjNIlxe6Ux3w2HS7z_ja-Yzd/s1600/IMG_2111-2rev2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUDXYSqy-t2MBE5CNjeATJBG-0PrA2XYdan5XY-7kxR5D7-Zj2fHr5NqcaVq0ONDFtF4V2j2uglUM_oe7GAMo7fBbowKM7upRRRVvm8wj7RF6cwIxoSuZITjNIlxe6Ux3w2HS7z_ja-Yzd/s320/IMG_2111-2rev2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">John Kay Alvarado, November 29th, 4lbs 13 oz, 14.5 inches</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Thank you for your prayers.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-60554899150071650342012-12-03T08:09:00.000-08:002012-12-03T08:09:27.957-08:00Remembering John<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">The past 6 days have been beautiful, awesome and painful. When I feel up to it I will blog about the time leading up to delivery and the birth of our boys. For now, I'd like to thank everyone for their prayers. They sustained us and allowed us peace and joy in a remarkable situation. We were surrounded by Christ's love and able to enjoy every second with John. I experienced joy and absolute love during their delivery. I was able to smile at John and tell him everything I wanted to. He was held by each of his grandparents and his aunts and uncles that were present. John was never in pain and passed peacefully from this world in my arms. Our John Kay was 4 lbs 12 oz and 14.5 inches long, much bigger than expected! Samuel Christian is 4 lbs 11 oz and 18 inches long and such a good baby. He loves being held and snuggled by his mama. We were discharged yesterday afternoon and I'm so thankful that Sam was able to come home with us. Leaving the hospital without John was difficult. Maggie is so happy to have us home and she's been a very helpful and loving big sister so far. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">We will be celebrating John's life this Saturday, December 8th at 2pm at Lake Hills Church, www.lhc.org. We would love for you to join us as we remember our sweet boy.</span></span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-4336440678718726892012-11-28T13:47:00.003-08:002012-11-28T13:47:57.247-08:00It's time!<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Good afternoon from Room 19 of St. David's Women's Center! I have been admitted and unless these babies decide to come tonight, we will be having a c-section at 7am in the morning. I would appreciate your prayers for a safe delivery and for the Lord to sustain my family over the next 24 hours. Please be praying specifically for us from 7-8:00am tomorrow morning while we are in the OR and meeting Sam and John for the first time. I am feeling at peace and nervous at the same time. I am thankful for the time I've had with my boys and I praise the Lord who created them both with care:</span><div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> and knit me together in my mother’s womb.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><sup style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">14 </sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><sup style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">15 </sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><sup style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">16 </sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">You saw me before I was born.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> Every day of my life was recorded in your book.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Every moment was laid out</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> before a single day had passed. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Psalm 139</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I do not know what will happen tomorrow but I trust in the one who does. Either by miracle or death my beloved John will be healed and restored tomorrow. Please join me in praising God for this truth. I truly appreciate each of you and the prayers you have lifted up on behalf of my family. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Love, Krystle</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-51930599397324172872012-11-22T07:05:00.004-08:002012-11-22T07:05:44.897-08:00Thanksgiving<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Happy Thanksgiving! We have much to be thankful for in the Alvarado household this year; our faith, family, friends and all the blessings and struggles that have gotten us to this point. There was a point a few years ago when Christian and I thought we would never be able to have children of our own and the Lord has blessed us with three! We are abundantly blessed and thankful.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I've been discussing Thanksgiving with Maggie and I thought I would share the things that she is thankful for because it makes me laugh. This is her order, not mine: Blue, pink, red, yellow, Mama, Daddy, Mimi, Lincoln (our dog), chocolate, babies (in Mama's belly) Lovey, Rapunzel and Baby Lizard (Pascal from the movie "Tangled"). When quizzed about other family members she would say, "Yes!" and shake her head so please do not get your feelings hurt if you weren't listed.....Aunt Nene'! :)</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">A dear friend of ours sent us a sermon she heard on the radio the other day. It was such a God moment because I needed to hear the message right when I received it. I love it when that happens! The message made me think and made me thankful. Below is a condensed version of what I was sent. I pray it pricks your heart the way it did mine.</span></span></span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Grace, mercy, and peace be to you in Jesus' Name, the One who makes a thanksgiving life possible, today and forever. Amen.<br />
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Next week is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. And, for many, it is still a commemoration of the feast of harvest that the Pilgrims celebrated with the Indians 400 years ago. For others, though, it is a call not only to be reminded of that first Thanksgiving Day, to be thankful to God for your blessings, but a charge to live life a certain way in all circumstances. <br />
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But, when you gather around the Thanksgiving dinner table this year, let me ask you this: if you had been one of those first Pilgrim settlers coming to the New World, would you have been able to give thanks that first Thanksgiving Day? <br />
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Consider what they had been through. They had uprooted themselves and sailed for America, on a journey so dangerous, they were advised first "To make out thy will." The crossing was very rough and the Mayflower was blown off course. Instead of reaching Virginia, where Englishmen had settled 13 years earlier, the Pilgrims ended up in the wilds of Massachusetts. By the time they found a place to make their new home, Plymouth, they called it, winter had set in. <br />
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The storms were frightful. Shelter was rudimentary. There was little food. Within weeks, nearly all the settlers were sick. <br />
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Governor William Bradford later recalled, "in two or three months' time, half of their company died, especially in January and February....being infected with the scurvy and other diseases.... There died sometimes two or three of a day." <br />
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When spring came, Indians showed them how to plant corn, but their first crops were dismal. Supplies ran out, their sponsors in London refused to send more and even when they first sent a shipment of goods to England, it was stolen by pirates. <br />
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So, if you had been there in 1621, if you had seen half of your friends die, if you had suffered through famine, malnutrition, and sickness, if you had endured a year of heartbreak and tragedy, would you have felt grateful? <br />
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In view of such things, Paul's words, then, seem almost incredible, yet he unequivocally proclaims for those who trust in Christ, "Rejoice always! Pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances!<br />
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Who can live that kind of life? What kind of person would you have to be? I'll tell you the truth; it sure seems like a person like that would have to be superhuman, almost too good to be true. So, is that really the secret of a thankful life, being superhuman? Or is it something as simple and as powerful as knowing the God of heaven and earth, the Lord of the cross and resurrection as your Savior in all things? <br />
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Let's learn together today, that because we can trust in God in all things, we can, as His people, live a life of thanksgiving in this sinful world, no matter the struggle or the circumstance. Let's learn that there is a right way to live life, resourced by faith, inspired by hope, unleashed in thanksgiving.<br />
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"Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.19<br />
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Now, if Paul is saying that this is the right way to live, why do so many, Christians and non, not live this way? <br />
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Well, first of all, many people today have a wrong view of thanksgiving. You'll hear people recount their blessings as a means for that thankful spirit, but even then, deep in their hearts are also the realities of their sufferings, pains, disappointments, and trials. Too many people miss out on the power of a thanksgiving life because, even when they try to live this way, they falsely root their thankfulness in circumstances of the moment and not in the enduring work and word of God on their behalf. <br />
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Circumstances change, But God never changes. Other people might fail us, but God never forgets His people. Our own insecurities, even our sins, can stifle our thankfulness just when it is needed most. But God is a constant resource for our thanksgiving life, with His forgiveness, His promises, and His love always at the ready in our greatest time of need! <br />
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During this Thanksgiving Season and all throughout the year put the specific grace of God to work in your life; with a rejoicing heart because God never stops looking out for you, because God Himself is making a way through the troubles that you are experiencing. And even if you are facing the reality of death this holiday season, He is merely setting the stage for your glorious healing and restoration. Rejoice always by faith in Christ, you are always in the Father's caring hands.<br />
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Finally, during this Thanksgiving Season, put the specific grace of God to work in your life by praying without ceasing. Why? Because God hears your prayers no matter the answer. You know, God always answers, either "Yes, No, or wait," never maybe, because there is no maybe with God and His gracious love. He didn't go to the cross for you and rise again from the dead for you to offer you a maybe answer to prayer. No, He answers. And those answers are always meant to keep us close to Him in faith.<br />
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And open your heart up to the fact that God can use all circumstances in this world to draw you closer to Him, to draw others to Himself through you, or even to deepen your relationships to one another through trial. <br />
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And because of Him, dear friend, you can put the power of rejoicing and thanksgiving to work in your life today. Let the troubles and the successes of each day be merely opportunities to give thanks to God who promises through it all, to be faithful to you. Live your life in Christ, be resourced by faith, inspired by hope, unleashed in thanksgiving.<br />
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Presented on The Lutheran Hour on November 18, 2012By Rev. Gregory Seltz, Lutheran Hour Speaker<br />
Copyright Lutheran Hour Ministries</blockquote>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thank you for your prayers! We are thankful for them.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Love, Krystle</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-16805517594148133752012-11-16T12:41:00.001-08:002012-11-16T12:41:35.603-08:00Confidence<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">A couple of weeks ago, after Christian and I turned out the light and said our good-nights, I whispered, "I'm scared" into the dark and started sobbing. I know it broke his heart to hear me say it but it broke mine to admit it to us both. I was mainly scared that I wouldn't be strong enough to be a good mama to Sam and John on delivery day. I was scared that if labor started right then, my heart would fail me and I would spend precious moments being a mess instead of being a smiling, soothing and comforting presence to my boys. I've been told numerous times that children feed off of their parents' emotions and I believe it. So it has been one of my continual prayers that I am able to praise God for every moment we have John and remain in a spirit of Thanksgiving, peace and love the whole time he is with us. I've witnessed firsthand how beautiful and peaceful it is when someone is loved over into eternity. My Granny passed away this summer and we were all at her bedside when she left this world. For two days my mom held her, recounted happy memories and told her that she could go to Jesus now if it was her time. She smiled at Granny and listed all the people in Heaven who would be so happy to see her. The few times Granny opened her eyes, she saw loving, smiling faces that told her she was not alone and that it was okay if she had to leave. If John has to leave us, then I want that for him. I have been scared for the past few weeks that I wouldn't be strong enough but I'm not scared anymore. This weekend I spent a lot of time in scripture and in prayer pouring out my doubt to the Lord and He heard me. This specific fear has been removed from my heart and it has been replaced by confidence! I am confident that on delivery day the Lord will drink deeply of my despair and will be present to shower joy over my heart so that I can love my baby into eternity. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">This week I read these words and they echo exactly what I am feeling in my heart:</span></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Psalm 40: 1-5</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and he turned to me and heard
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He lifted me out of the pit of despair,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>out of the mud and the mire.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He set my feet on solid ground</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and steadied me as I walked
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He has given me a new song to sing,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a hymn of praise to our God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Many will see what he has done and be amazed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will put their trust in
the Lord.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, the joys of those who trust
the Lord,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>who have no confidence in the
proud</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your plans for us are too
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have no equal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would never come to the end
of them.<span style="color: purple;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I am starting to get excited about delivery day. I'd like to put it off until December 3rd so that Sam has plenty of time to develop but I am not dreading it like I was. I'm in a place of waiting but not worrying like before. I was reminded this morning to, <span style="color: black;">"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37:7.</span> It's hard to do much else on bed rest! :) </span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">My appointments with Dr. B and Dr. U went well this week. Dr. B did a sonogram and both boys look good! We didn't get a good photo of either because they are so squished in my belly but John was moving all around and Sam had his fists in front of his face again. I saw Dr. U yesterday and he said that I'm now measuring 40 weeks - I definitely feel it! Both doctors say that getting to 34 weeks (this Sunday) is a great milestone and Dr. U says that if I can make it to 35 weeks the chances of Sam coming home when I do are very high! Thank you for your continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy and good doctors appointments.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I do have a specific prayer request: Maggie has been sick the past 3 days. She just has a cold but she hasn't been sleeping well and she's been very clingy. Please pray that she is well before I go into the hospital. Her mama being away for a few nights will be even harder on her if she isn't feeling well. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Thank you for your prayers old friends, new friends and future friends! There is nothing I appreciate more than you lifting up my family in prayer to our faithful God. I know He hears us and He has the awesome power to replace fear with confidence! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="color: black;">"My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises!" - Psalm 57:7</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-25155788357513159182012-11-09T18:27:00.002-08:002012-11-09T18:27:26.691-08:0032 weeks, 4 days!<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Your prayers are working friends! It's been over a week since my last post and these babies are still in my belly, praise God! I see Dr. B and Dr. U weekly now and both of our appointments this week went well. Lene' went with me to Dr. B's on Monday and we watched as they measured Sam and John. Sam looks wonderful and is practicing breathing, which is a great sign! He weighs about 4 lbs and had both of his fists up against his face so we could not get a good profile picture. John's heartbeat was strong and he was moving around a lot. It's hard for them to get a good estimate on how much he weighs because weight is estimated by arm & leg lengths and head & belly circumference. His arms and legs measure 16-17 weeks, his head measures 35 weeks and his belly measures 32 weeks so the formulas are off but Dr. B assumes he weighs around 3 lbs. His heart is now taking up more than 70% of his tiny chest and he is not practicing breathing, as expected. We did get to see his tiny hands and I enjoyed that. Dr. B and Dr. U both say that each day I stay pregnant takes about 3 days off of Sam's NICU stay, so everyday is a victory and praise. All of the prayers, bed rest and medicines are working and they both think I could make it to 34 weeks/November 19th but I haven't given up on Dec. 3rd!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Speaking of bed rest, I am so blessed to have my mom and Lene' close by. My mom comes over every morning before Christian leaves for work and stays with me and Maggie until he gets home. She entertains Maggie, anticipates my every need, drives me to appointments, cleans my house and buys groceries. Besides taking care of all the daily stuff, she is also here to hold me when I'm sad. I don't think there is any substitute for your mom's arms when you are crying, especially when those arms hug as well as Laura Kirchmeyer's! I do not know what we would do without her and I hope I'm half the mom that she is. Lene' is mini-mom and fills in wherever we need her. She is up all hours of the night so when I can't sleep, or I'm having contractions at 3am, I'm able to talk to her. She is hilarious when I need to laugh and comforting when I'm upset. When I ask her opinion on something she really thinks about it, researches it and comes back with a thoughtful response. I hope everyone has a friend or sibling like that in their life. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I have so much to be thankful for so I feel guilty for the sadness I've been feeling this week. The steroid shots and the anti-contraction medicine make me feel jittery, anxious and like I'm having a panic attack so I'm sure that has made it worse. I'm having a hard time thinking about when John physically leaves us. I don't know how I call a nurse to come take my baby from me. How do I decide when I've held him long enough? And how do I sleep in a hospital knowing that my baby is in some cold dark place all alone in the same building? My head tells me that he will no longer be there. I know he will be in Paradise experiencing so much joy and love but I go crazy thinking about him being alone. I've read that it's easier for some moms to have their baby go straight from their arms to the funeral home. I think I've decided on this but then I change my mind. I don't know how you make these decisions. I've been praying for discernment but so far I just feel like there are only bad choices. I've also been sad thinking about Sam being in the NICU. If he is, I won't be able to see him for 12 hours or more after having a c-section. I feel silly admitting that. I know there are so much more important things than worrying about not being with him right away. I know Sam won't be alone and a family member will be with him. I am thankful that my doctors say that Sam should be perfectly healthy after a brief NICU stay, if any. I try to focus on that but this week I just keep fearing that I'll be leaving the hospital without either of my babies and it makes my heart hurt. I've known this is the case all along but this week it is occupying my thoughts. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I haven't been as intentional in my bible study and quiet time this week. I believe the majority of this sadness and worry is the result. I have spent hours thinking and praying but not hearing what the Lord has to say to me through His word. I know only the Great Physician can heal my heart and give me the comfort I need. I plan on spending time in His word this weekend.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Thank you for your prayers for my family. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Love, Krystle</span></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-5525183678430840312012-11-01T14:53:00.002-07:002012-11-01T14:53:47.505-07:00Prayers needed<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Family and friends, I need your prayers. I have been having contractions and some signs of preterm labor this week. I went to see Dr. U this morning and initially he said everything looked great. I'm only 20% effaced and he said he could see me making it another 3 weeks. He did a fetal fibronectin test and sent me home with orders to stay in bed as much as possible. Dr. U called me back around 1:30pm this afternoon and said that the fetal fibronectin test came back positive, which means that my body is getting ready for labor. A negative result means that you have a less than 5% chance of delivering in the next week or two. A positive result means that the FFN protein is present and you have a high chance of going into labor in the next week. Dr. U called Dr. B and they decided that the best action was for me to head into Dr. B's office for a corticosteroid injection to help the boys' lung develop as much as possible before delivery. The steroid is given in two injections 24 hours apart so I will be going back tomorrow for my second dose. I am not 32 weeks until Sunday, I won't be 34 weeks until November 19th and, as you know, I won't be 36 weeks until December 3rd. I've been praying so expectantly to not have these boys until December 3rd. I know you have joined me in that prayer. God is bigger than medicine and I know He can delay delivery until December 3rd but according to my doctors, it would be a huge blessing to still be pregnant at Thanksgiving. I will be on bed rest at home until I go into labor. I'm heartsick and scared this afternoon and need your prayers that my boys remain safe and that my anxious heart is calmed. I'm holding fast to the promise below:</span></span> </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep
on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to
you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to
everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you
give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake?
Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your
children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who
ask him.” Matthew 7: 7-10</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I've shared this before but my most frequent prayer over the past 3 months has been for the Lord
to keep my babies safe and pain-free, and also for them to know how much I
love them. I have no doubt that they feel my love, and as of right now, they are safe and pain-free so I will praise His name for that. Thank you for being my prayer warriors!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There are only 43 days until December 3<sup>rd</sup>. I get
excited and nervous thinking about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One month and 12 days is not very far away at all, and I know it will
speed by with the election and Thanksgiving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have been focused the past 3 months on doing everything that needs to
get done before delivery day...I've had meetings, made lists, packed hospital
bags, Maggie bags, snack bags, re-packed bags, arranged plans (and back up
plans!) and read way too many books. Now I've run out of things "to do."
I've been asking Lene' and my mom, "Can you think of anything I haven't
done yet?" and it's kind of driving me crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't think you can ever prepare for
something like this but my head tells me I cannot be prepared enough. I felt
anxious when I had 20 things to take care of and now I feel worried that I
don't have any big things left to accomplish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think the 'doing' has helped me feel like I have a little bit of
control in all of this..... I think I hear God laughing! :) </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">One thing Christian and I have discussed quite
a bit is stress and worry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He reminds me
that anxiety and stress will make you unhealthy and hurt your body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's true - we've seen the physical toll
stress takes on ourselves and family members but how much more of a strain is
it on our spiritual health?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This morning
I was praying that the Lord take away the anxiety of “things to do” and I was
reminded of the below passage. These are beautiful and practical words straight
from Jesus:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
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<span class="text Matt-6-25" id="en-NLT-23284"><sup class="versenum">Matthew 6: 25-34 </sup></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-6-25" id="en-NLT-23284"><sup class="versenum">25 </sup><span class="woj">“That
is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have
enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than
food, and your body more than clothing?</span></span> <span class="text Matt-6-26" id="en-NLT-23285"><sup class="versenum">26 </sup><span class="woj">Look
at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for
your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him
than they are?</span></span> <span class="text Matt-6-27" id="en-NLT-23286"><sup class="versenum">27 </sup><span class="woj">Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-6-28" id="en-NLT-23287"><sup class="versenum">28 </sup><span class="woj">“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing,</span></span> <span class="text Matt-6-29" id="en-NLT-23288"><sup class="versenum">29 </sup><span class="woj">yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.</span></span> <span class="text Matt-6-30" id="en-NLT-23289"><sup class="versenum">30 </sup><span class="woj">And
if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and
thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do
you have so little faith?</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-6-31" id="en-NLT-23290"><sup class="versenum">31 </sup><span class="woj">“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’</span></span> <span class="text Matt-6-32" id="en-NLT-23291"><sup class="versenum">32 </sup><span class="woj">These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.</span></span> <span class="text Matt-6-33" id="en-NLT-23292"><sup class="versenum">33 </sup><span class="woj">Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-6-34" id="en-NLT-23293"><sup class="versenum">34 </sup><span class="woj">“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I was convicted this morning of the fact that when I am
consumed with worry, I am really questioning whether God can handle this on His
own. Why does He need me to be anxious about anything when He's already
determined His plan for my life? My stress is not going to change what happens
but my prayers could. Acknowledging my anxiety, telling God about it and then
making a conscience decision to leave it at His feet is the best thing I can do
for myself and my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This morning
it felt too big to give the Lord all my anxieties about being 'prepared enough'
for the hospital so I just prayed that I do not worry about it anymore
today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So far, I haven't, and that is a
blessing. After all, "Today's trouble is enough for today."</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I do not go back to Dr. U until November 1st and Dr. B until
November 5th.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will be over 32 weeks by
then, which is a huge praise! Babies born at 32 weeks do very well, so every
week after 32 is great. Thank you for continuing to pray that I stay pregnant
until December 3rd. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I am praying today that everyone who reads this is able to
let go of whatever stress or worry they are carrying in their heart. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know it is not easy but I also know
you will have more peace and comfort once you give it to God.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<span class="text Matt-6-34" id="en-NLT-23293"><span class="woj"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Matt-6-25" id="en-NLT-23284"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-4611488302956679872012-10-16T15:19:00.000-07:002012-10-16T15:19:00.398-07:00Photos of Mama and Magpie! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Below are a few of our favorite pictures from a very fun morning! Well, Maggie was not having fun but you'd never know it from the sweet smiles! As I mentioned before, Elena Reid is a dear friend, genius photographer and so very generous to let me share the beautiful photos below. www.ElenaReidPhotography.com</span></span></div>
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<br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-10174889544403431502012-10-11T09:19:00.001-07:002012-10-11T09:19:47.841-07:00Doctors Appointments and Perspective<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">Our appointments last week with Dr. B and Dr. U both went well! </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">Christian and I got to watch John and Sam move around on the ultrasound and both boys had great heart rates and are growing. Sam weighed about 2 lbs 5 oz and is measuring a few days larger than his due date. John weighed around 2 lbs and even his tiny arm and leg bones have grown a little. Dr. B pointed out that John's left lung has developed slightly but not enough to change his prognosis or to support breathing on his own. Dr. U says my belly is measuring over 35 cm already and usually women start contracting around 40 cms. Both doctors think I'll be measuring 40 cm by 32 weeks and at that point I may be on bed rest or more medications but as of right now, everything looks good!</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">I'm 28 weeks 4 days pregnant, have gained 19 lbs, my anemia is getting better and I haven't had any additional 'false alarms.' These are all blessings that I can praise the Lord for! Your prayers for good doctors appointments are working! :) </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">I met with our church last week to go over possible funeral arrangements and service plans. This meeting was peaceful and not as painful as I thought it would be. I felt a warmness while I was there. It was the same tender feeling women get when they come across a really fluffy and soft baby blanket in a store. You don't intend to buy it but you run your hand over it and you can't help but smile at how sweet it is. Well, I left the church feeling this warmth and sweetness. I even caught myself smiling in the rear view mirror as I pulled out of the parking lot. It doesn't make sense to me even as I type this but it's the truth, I wasn't the crying mess I thought I'd be. I felt comforted and held. I read the below scripture this week and I think this is the explanation for the peace I felt:</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Isa-43-2" id="en-NLT-18484">Isaiah 43: 2-3</span><br />
<span class="text Isa-43-2" id="en-NLT-18484">When you go through deep waters,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-2">I will be with you.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-43-2">When you go through rivers of difficulty,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-2">you will not drown.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-43-2">When you walk through the fire of oppression,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-2">you will not be burned up;</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-2">the flames will not consume you.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-43-3" id="en-NLT-18485"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>For I am the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, your God,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-3">the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I've been thinking about perspective recently and how just looking at a situation from a different point of view can totally change your attitude. I came across this story on a blog I follow: </span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
While we were leaving Chuck-e-Cheese, the only place McRae, my youngest daughter, ever picks
for our daddy/daughter dates, we heard a police siren. Into the dark
fall night the blue lights of a cop car sped by. In the backseat, I
heard McRae sigh and say,<br />
“Ohhhh, I love that sound.” That’s a strange thing for a six year old to say, so I asked her why? Without missing a beat she said, “Because that’s the sound of someone
getting rescued.”</blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Isn't that a beautiful way to think of something that normally makes you panic? I also read on a friend's Facebook status, "What if every time you said, "I have to" you said instead, "I get to!" How would that change your outlook?"</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Of course, this is not always easy to do but I am going to do my best to think this way as much as I can. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Thank you for your prayers!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-73569285768709436132012-10-02T22:23:00.000-07:002012-10-02T22:27:05.597-07:00Dear John,<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Dear John,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Daddy and I are so excited to meet you soon. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cannot wait to hold you and kiss you and
tell you that we love you over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We want to see if you have lots of dark hair like Maggie and if you have
blue eyes like me or brown eyes like Daddy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want
to stare at you so intensely that I never forget your precious face. I want to
kiss each of the little fingers and toes that have been jabbing and kicking me for the last
few months. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to tell you that
Daddy and I have loved you and have been praying for you every day since you
were a 2 cell embryo. You have been joyfully anticipated since before you were
ever placed in my belly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I also want you to know me. I want you to know that if you
were colicky, I would hold you for hours and praise God for the cries coming
out of your mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want you to know
that every time you fell down, I would kiss your boo-boos and make it better. I
want you to know that if you were scared at a sleepover, I would come get you
in the middle of the night, and that even when you didn’t eat all your dinner I
would still let you have ice cream sometimes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would remind you to treat your girlfriend the same way you want a boy to treat Maggie, and I would call you
the first day of early voting and remind you to go vote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I want you to know that your Daddy would get such a thrill
from you running into his arms when he gets home from work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want you to know that he would make a silly
face or do a ridiculous dance over and over again to hear you laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know he would tell you not to fight with
your brother but he would be so proud when you used one of your Jiu-Jitsu moves
effectively. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would love to take you
hunting, fishing and to buy your first pair of soccer cleats. He would take you
from me when you were fussy and sing you a Johnny Cash or Bob Marley song but
most of all, he’d love to watch you sleep on his chest. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">We both want you to know that we are so proud of you. You have
yet to be born but you have brought people closer to the Lord and strengthened
families. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You haven’t spoken a word but
you’ve made grown men cry. You will never score a touchdown or hit a home-run
but you have thousands of people cheering for you. You have made me a better mama,
wife, friend and Christ-follower and I have been honored to carry you.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">If you see us cry on the day you are born it is because of
our deep love for you John. You are already an important part of our family and
a huge piece of our hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Learning to
live without a piece of your heart is painful but we give thanks to our Father
in Heaven who knows what it is like to love and lose a son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will continue to rely on His mercy and
believe in His goodness all the days of our lives, even when we do not understand His will. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">We know you have been "Wonderfully made" by our Creator and
that He has already recorded all of your days in the Book of Life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have prayed repeatedly for a miracle but
trust in the Lord’s plan for you even if we do not receive the one we are
looking for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We hold on to the promise
that you will be fully healed in Heaven and that we will all be together again.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Our family and this world are better because you exist my beautiful boy. I love you and I look forward to holding you and your
brother soon.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Mama </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-45400302097478758602012-09-29T13:18:00.000-07:002012-09-29T13:18:12.726-07:00Dry Run<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This past week has been full! I think I experienced every emotion imaginable over the past 6 days. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">To start off with, I was bummed Monday and Tuesday because I was missing a big work event in Houston on Tuesday evening. Everyone insisted that I stay in Austin, and I agreed, but my work is very important to me and I hate to feel like a slacker or that I'm letting anyone down. My attendance wasn't needed because my business partner Leslie is such a rock star that she could handle it with one hand tied behind her back but I was still upset. Well, leave it to God to put things into perspective the moment you start feeling sorry for yourself because Tuesday afternoon around 2pm I started having contractions. Having a contraction here and there is no new thing but these were coming more frequently and lasting longer. I wasn't nervous until I 'heard' God or the Holy Spirit tell me "You need to pack your bag for the hospital." There wasn't an audible voice but it delivered a distinct and clear message. I'm not sure if men experience this but you know the feeling when you are sitting at work and something tells you, "You need to call your mom!" and you do and she's been crying?.......or something wakes you in the middle of the night and tells you, "Go check on Maggie!" and sure enough she has a fever? I think most people call it Women's Intuition but I believe it's the Holy Spirit. What I heard on Tuesday I can most closely describe as Women's Intuition mixed with a strong spiritual conviction at the same time. I was scared and stressed out because I didn't have everything I needed yet for my hospital bag and it is not December 3rd! Well, fast forward a few hours and my contractions were not going away, the medicine I have for contractions wasn't working and the doctor called and told me to go ahead and check-in at Labor & Delivery at our hospital. I hastily threw things into my bag and went out the door. Christian met me there and we were being evaluated a short time later. The good news is that the contractions stopped with the medicine I had already been taking, so it was just another false alarm. The worrisome part was that the hospital was not prepared for us as we had been assured they would be. We met with different officials of the hospital over a month ago to go over our birth/care plan for John and Sam and to make sure they had all the forms and correct authorizations needed to carry out our wishes. We were told repeatedly that when we arrived at the hospital all of this information would be in our record and things would run smoothly. This was not the case. It was chaotic. After a few upsetting comments from our nurse, we had to tell her about John's diagnosis and alert her to the fact that we have a birth plan that we've already discussed with the hospital. It was not our nurses fault. Yes, she said some insensitive things but under normal circumstances an expectant mom might have thought they were funny. After being monitored and seen by the doctor we were able to go home, thankfully! Praise God! I was so happy that everything was okay and that I got to go home but I was also worried about how crazy things would have been if that had been delivery day. I think this dry run at the hospital was a blessing because since Tuesday I have been able to contact the hospital staff, notify them of what went wrong and receive confirmation that it will not be like that on delivery day. I trust them but just to be safe, I have multiple birth plans, contact lists and emails printed out in my now-almost-completely-packed-hospital bag! :) </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The hospital bag situation brought to mind other ways I am not as prepared as I should be at this point. All along people have recommended to have as much in place as I can by 28 weeks and I'm 27 weeks. So I spent time this week thinking of all the things I've yet to do. For one, I need to have outfits ready to take to the hospital for John. Because of his condition he will not be the same size or proportions as a healthy newborn and I feel strongly that he should have an outfit that fits him in this world. I also know that I would be upset if he didn't have something special to wear when he leaves our arms. I had mentioned this to Lene' a few weeks ago and I'm so glad I did. Little did I know, Lene' and my mom have already taken care of all of this! Lene' special ordered beautiful outfits for John and adorable outfits for Sam from micro-premie to newborn size, just in case the boys are very early. I am so thankful that they took care of this for me. I haven't wanted to think about it but I also wanted it to be done with love and thought and they knew that. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There are many other things I dealt with this week that were saddening but I was able to make it through because of all of you! Every day this week I received an unexpected letter, card, email or gift in the mail to brighten my day and let me know that people are praying for us. The support has been unbelievable and so thoughtful! The Lord is using you to sustain me: </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Isa-46-4" id="en-NIV1984-18591">Isaiah 46:4 </span><br />
<span class="text Isa-46-4" id="en-NIV1984-18591">Even to your old age and gray hairs</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-46-4">I am he, I am he who will sustain you.</span></span><br /><span class="text Isa-46-4">I have made you and I will carry you;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-46-4">I will sustain you and I will rescue you.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-46-4">Yesterday, my sweet friend Elena took maternity photos of me with Maggie. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do them but I'm glad I did. I know they are usually done further along in pregnancy but I'm not sure how many more weeks I'm going to be given on my feet. Although Maggie was not in the most cooperative mood, Elena is a photographical (is this a word?) genius who was able to make it look like Maggie didn't mind the inconvenience! :) I will share some of them when they are ready. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-46-4"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-46-4">We have a doctors appointment with Dr. B on Wednesday and Dr. U on Friday. I can't believe it's already been a month since our last sonogram. I'm excited to see my babies on Wednesday. I hope they cooperate more than Maggie and allow us to get some good pictures. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-46-4">Thank you for your prayers and friendship!</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-46-4"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-8804099103931857962012-09-21T14:10:00.000-07:002012-09-21T14:10:20.741-07:00False alarm<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">Yesterday I went to the doctor for an emergency appointment because I was having more contractions than I was comfortable with and was worried about preterm labor. Thankfully, it was a false alarm but I could tell that something wasn't right and I was in a lot of pain. The test results came back and I have two infections causing the contractions. Some of the pain is being caused by a bladder infection and some of it is due to a hernia I have developed from carrying twins. We also discovered this week that I'm more anemic than I was a month ago. Fortunately, the infections can be knocked out with antibiotics, the contractions have stopped with bed rest (which I'm on for at least 48 more hours) and the anemia can be fixed with more iron supplements. The hernia we will deal with later. Although it is painful, it does not add any risk to John and Sam so I am thankful for that! </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">On my way to the doctor I was strangely calm. I listened to "How Great Thou Art" in my car over and over again and prayed. I was scared that my boys might be coming very early and that both of their lives were at risk. I started praying that this would not be the case but then I asked myself, "What if this is His will?" Before I could think about it my lips whispered, "I will not be moved." </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">I was so relieved in that moment. I knew that I would be scared and sad if this was the Lord's will but I was also confident that my resolve in His goodness and plan would not be shaken. This knowledge has made me stronger and more capable of facing what lies ahead. The Lord knew I needed this experience to help calm my anxiety about delivery day, whenever that may be. I am blown away again by his providence. </span></span></span><br />
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Psalm 62:5-8<br />
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<span class="text Ps-62-5" id="en-NLT-14809"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>Let all that I am wait quietly before God,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-62-5">for my hope is in him.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-62-6" id="en-NLT-14810"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>He alone is my rock and my salvation,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-62-6">my fortress where I will not be shaken.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-62-7" id="en-NLT-14811"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>My victory and honor come from God alone.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-62-7">He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-62-8" id="en-NLT-14812"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>O my people, trust in him at all times.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-62-8">Pour out your heart to him,</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-62-8">for God is our refuge. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I need your prayers to get through the next 2 months and 12 days, until December 3rd! Please continue to pray that I make it at least 73 more days and that all of these temporary health issues are resolved quickly! </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Love, Krystle</span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-9744322255639054612012-09-15T20:59:00.003-07:002012-09-15T20:59:24.512-07:00Chocolate, Grace & Heli-poppers<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NIV-25706"><span class="woj"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">I have been reading lately about what the Bible says about children. There is some wonderful parenting advice and great imagery relating to children but I've found myself really meditating and thinking on what it means to have "childlike faith." Having the faith of a child is mentioned in Matthew, Mark and Luke so it must be important! I've heard it discussed many times over the years but I've never stopped to really think about what it means to have faith like a child. </span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NIV-25706"><span class="woj">Luke 18: 15-17 </span></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-15"><sup class="versenum">15 </sup>One
day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could
touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the
parents for bothering him.</span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-16" id="en-NLT-25672"><sup class="versenum">16 </sup>Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, <span class="woj">“Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.</span></span> <span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><sup class="versenum">17 </sup><span class="woj">I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: purple;"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj">Instead of Googling what the great teachers and preachers of our time say about "childlike faith," I decided to just pay special attention to Maggie and see how her faith was revealed to me. Maggie is 20 months old today and boy, is she fun! She is her own person, very opinionated and talking up a storm. She is our petite, affectionate, chocolate-loving firecracker and we are so blessed to have her! Maggie has recently become <b>obsessed</b> with chocolate. So much that a few nights ago Christian and I listened to her on the monitor as she went to sleep talking about "blue chocolate," "yellow chocolate," and "red chocolate"... otherwise known as M&Ms. The next morning, she woke up and the first thing out of her mouth was "chocolate!" with a big smile on her face. When she realized that Christian and I were looking down at her she said, "PLEASE!" We are asked for chocolate a lot and every time, regardless of time of day or if we even have chocolate, she expects us to give it to her. Is this "childlike faith" - having every confidence that whatever your request, the Lord can fulfill it? </span></span></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil7160XLAXVwunaXzZO0049l5yAAXsXH3Fg-RwgrViN3LWG6dcEDBR0xsHnI9MX3mYFxpc9lnOptKZFwaR9NllSukBh10o-WcOYjG8mp7OlsM-A8Sal4WalouWR0rv7tMvExcYqBL7gi0v/s1600/chocolate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil7160XLAXVwunaXzZO0049l5yAAXsXH3Fg-RwgrViN3LWG6dcEDBR0xsHnI9MX3mYFxpc9lnOptKZFwaR9NllSukBh10o-WcOYjG8mp7OlsM-A8Sal4WalouWR0rv7tMvExcYqBL7gi0v/s320/chocolate.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj">"Chocolate Smile!"</span></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj">I have also witnessed how Maggie views grace. When she gets put into time-out or made to apologize, she never doubts that everything will be okay afterwards. She will be screaming in time-out and then after she says, "sorry Mama" and we hug, she runs off to play. She doesn't beat herself up, feel guilty or hold a grudge once it's over. Even when she's made a bad choice, suffered the consequences and been held accountable, she doesn't doubt my love once it's over. It's in the past and she happily climbs back up in my lap to watch "Mickey Mouse." As adults, we question whether or not we deserve forgiveness and the unconditional love of God after we screw up. We have a hard time accepting grace when we don't feel "good enough" to deserve it. Maybe having "childlike faith" means that we don't doubt God's love and are content to climb back into his hands?</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj">This morning Christian, Maggie and I met up with</span></span><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"> my mom, brother-in-law and nephews</span></span> at a community "Safety Day". There were helicopters, firetrucks, ambulances, SWAT trucks, etc. The kids all had a great time climbing in and out of the vehicles. Maggie was especially impressed with the "heli-poppers". After we had been there a while we noticed that there was a helicopter that was circling and about to land in the parking lot. My mom was holding Maggie and she moved closer so that Maggie could have a better look. At some point the noise, wind or excitement became too much and Maggie was frightened. My mom hurried back towards us saying that Maggie was crying for her daddy. She lunged into Christian's arms frowning and started pointing towards the helicopter. She was scared and what immediately made sense to her was to run to her daddy. I'm not sure what she thought he could do about the helicopter but she knew her daddy could make it better and keep her safe. Is this the lesson that Jesus was teaching? - When we don't know what is happening, when we are scared or sad, we should immediately run to our Father because he can make it better? </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj">Maybe "childlike faith" is all of these things or maybe it's something else altogether. I plan on asking Jesus when I see Him. </span></span></span></span> </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz8noLLS4trDcqtUgAjqssUS9lQWvKGdQkKsaHxcauTyQVWX8U2Z_1n5mUCYVZUyV6TsL31eOyd64ZKuBorj1fqqaIoJsgZ1vI83m7lIozJSC6ChHtW22GsxKpBNnQCQ10KUfZbfEpm4q5/s1600/helicopter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz8noLLS4trDcqtUgAjqssUS9lQWvKGdQkKsaHxcauTyQVWX8U2Z_1n5mUCYVZUyV6TsL31eOyd64ZKuBorj1fqqaIoJsgZ1vI83m7lIozJSC6ChHtW22GsxKpBNnQCQ10KUfZbfEpm4q5/s320/helicopter.jpg" width="320" /></a><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj">"Heli-poppers" </span></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj">My appointment with Dr. U was upsetting on Friday. Medically, everything is going well. Both heart rates were good, all my blood work came back normal, I haven't had any big contractions and he didn't mention bed rest at all. These are all praises! However, when the nurse came in to give me my RhoGAM shot I fell apart. I get RhoGAM every 12 weeks and she mentioned that this would more than likely be my last injection. Hearing from the nurse that I would deliver within the next 12 weeks made it sound very soon and I got nervous. Then, Dr. U came in. After running through all the medical stuff and doing an ultrasound he asked how I was doing emotionally. I lost it again. I had been feeling off for a few days and I guess it was just time to break down. I told him how hearing "12 weeks" made me nervous and how when I think about walking into the OR on deliver day I still want to throw up. I told him I don't know how we drive to hospital knowing what will happen and how guilty I still feel for Sam that everyone will (more than likely) be sad on the day he is born. I cried that I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get out all the things I want to say to John and that I was scared that Sam might be in the NICU if born too early. I told him how I was nervous that I would have postpartum depression and that I didn't want to have to tell Maggie that she won't be bringing home "two babies." Dr. U is an amazing man and he sat and listened and handed me kleenex and was very sad himself. He shared the ways he is specifically praying for me and my family and took the time to reassure me on things even though he had a full waiting room and 5 full exam rooms. We are so blessed to have such an amazing friend in our doctor. It makes all the difference and this friendship is another blessing that I know the Lord has provided. It has been difficult this week to see all the blessings, even though I know they are there. I have a lot of worry and anxiety that I need to leave at the Lord's feet in the next 12 weeks. Please help me do this with your prayers. </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj">Love, Krystle </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"> </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">P.S. Brady is home from the hospital and doing well! Thank you for praying for his recovery!</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-18-17" id="en-NLT-25673"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3093718921595737589.post-24865958200766313442012-09-08T20:33:00.000-07:002012-09-08T20:33:56.817-07:00Playlist<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Ever since I received the babycenter.com update two weeks ago mentioning that my babies now have developed hearing, Christian and I have been talking to them regularly. We tell them the things you would expect, "We love you", "Stay put until December 3rd", "We are so happy to be your Mama and Daddy", "God made you perfect" etc. but I've also been describing much of what I see to them and telling them things I think they would want to know. I didn't realize how aware I had become of their hearing until I was driving home this week and a song came on the radio with lewd lyrics. Maggie wasn't in the car but I changed it and thought to myself, "I don't want my boys listening to that!" This got me thinking about music and how I want to make sure John gets every Earthly experience he can. So, I started going through my iPod and playing the songs I thought every person should hear before they die. I know taste in music is a personal and subjective thing but I've tried to balance it out with what I think is important (Fleetwood Mac, George Strait, Bach, Beethoven, David Bowie, Journey, Les Miserables soundtrack, U2, Garth Brooks, Aerosmith, Gypsy Kings, "The Eyes of Texas" and various Praise & Worship bands) and what their Daddy thinks is important (Bob Marley, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Elvis Presley, Stevie Ray Vaughn). It's hard to tell which songs they prefer but I do know that we have at least one Bob Marley fan in my belly! I'm sharing this because I have a few friends and family members who have strong opinions on music. If there is a particular song you think everyone should hear on this Earth, please let me know and I'll play it for them. Please, no one email me with the "Aggie War Hymn". :) </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">In addition to iTunes, I
have also been spending time in Ecclesiastes. I've been thinking about the
different seasons of life. I feel honored that I have been chosen to
carry these boys for a season. I know there is a season (and reason) for
everything</span></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> and I feel reassured that "God has made everything beautiful for its own time."</span> I pray these words minister to
your heart as they have to mine.</span></span></span><br />
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<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Ecclesiastes 3 </h3>
<div class="poetry">
<div class="line">
<span class="chapter-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-1"><span class="chapternum">1 </span>For everything there is a season,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-1">a time for every activity under heaven.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Eccl-3-2" id="en-NLT-17338"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>A time to be born and a time to die.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-2">A time to plant and a time to harvest.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Eccl-3-3" id="en-NLT-17339"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>A time to kill and a time to heal.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-3">A time to tear down and a time to build up.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Eccl-3-4" id="en-NLT-17340"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>A time to cry and a time to laugh.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-4">A time to grieve and a time to dance.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Eccl-3-5" id="en-NLT-17341"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-5">A time to embrace and a time to turn away.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Eccl-3-6" id="en-NLT-17342"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>A time to search and a time to quit searching.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-6">A time to keep and a time to throw away.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Eccl-3-7" id="en-NLT-17343"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>A time to tear and a time to mend.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-7">A time to be quiet and a time to speak.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Eccl-3-8" id="en-NLT-17344"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>A time to love and a time to hate.</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-8">A time for war and a time for peace.</span></span></div>
</div>
<span class="text Eccl-3-9" id="en-NLT-17345"><sup class="versenum">9 </sup>What do people really get for all their hard work?</span> <span class="text Eccl-3-10" id="en-NLT-17346"><sup class="versenum">10 </sup>I have seen the burden God has placed on us all.</span> <span class="text Eccl-3-11" id="en-NLT-17347"><sup class="versenum">11 </sup>Yet
God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted
eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole
scope of God’s work from beginning to end.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">Prayer Requests: Our nephew Brady is back at Texas Children's Hospital after only being home a few days. Please be praying that he makes a full recovery very soon and can go home. Also, we have an appointment with Dr. U on Friday. Please pray that my appointments continue to go well. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple;">Love, Krystle </span></span></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582740556614669150noreply@blogger.com1