Happy Anniversary Wonderfully Made!

I started this blog one year ago today! That is hard to believe. I can remember the night I sat down at this computer, at this desk and started writing. I did not know what I was going to write or if anyone would read it.  My heart wanted to help another mom who might hear "Thanatophoric Dysplasia" and do a web search that comes up with way too many medical journal entries on FGFR3 gene mutations and too few personal stories about miracles or the beautiful short lives of TD babies. I also wanted to document my pregnancy and delivery for Maggie and Sam so that one day when they ask me about John I can accurately recall events and emotions.  Selfishly, I also hoped that this blog would keep me from having to have the same painful conversations over and over again with family and friends after each appointment.  

I never imagined that my words here would lead to such an amazing outpouring of love and support for my family.  I have been blessed repeatedly and extravagantly by your prayers and sweet messages over the past year. From the bottom of my heart - Thank you! I was told it was unlikely I would carry to 36 weeks and I made it just a few days shy - Prayers answered! I was told that John wouldn't be strong enough to make noises and he did for several minutes - Prayers answered! I was told that Sam would more than likely have a NICU stay and he didn't - Prayers answered! You joined me in prayers to see God's goodness and feel His mercy in John's short life and I have over and over again.  In my sadness I have experienced real joy and intimacy with my God. Who can ask for more?

 "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

   for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

    therefore I will wait for him.” 

Lamentations 3: 22-24

These days my house is louder than ever thanks to these two:

Sam is 8.5 months and a babbling, laughing, smiling snuggle bug. He is so happy and easy going.  He is starting to crawl and he loves to make messes! Maggie is 2.5 years old and loves to play dress up, read books, sing and tell everyone what to do. Where does she get that from?!? I often wonder how John would fit in with these two. Would he be more like Maggie or Sam or completely different?  Even though John isn't here, he is still very present.  We remember him in our prayers and talk about why Mama gets sad sometimes. I think of him every time I make any kind of parenting decision for Maggie and Sam.  He has made me a more flexible, loving, emotional and spontaneous parent.  In this way John continues to bless his brother and sister and I think that's pretty awesome. 

I've been listening to this song a lot lately and just wanted to share.  Eddie Vedder meant it as a love song but I imagine Christian singing it to John and it perfectly describes loving someone who is gone.

 

Love,

Krystle