Worry

There are only 43 days until December 3^rd. I get excited and nervous thinking about that.  One month and 12 days is not very far away at all, and I know it will speed by with the election and Thanksgiving.  I have been focused the past 3 months on doing everything that needs to get done before delivery day...I've had meetings, made lists, packed hospital bags, Maggie bags, snack bags, re-packed bags, arranged plans (and back up plans!) and read way too many books. Now I've run out of things "to do." I've been asking Lene' and my mom, "Can you think of anything I haven't done yet?" and it's kind of driving me crazy.  I don't think you can ever prepare for something like this but my head tells me I cannot be prepared enough. I felt anxious when I had 20 things to take care of and now I feel worried that I don't have any big things left to accomplish.  I think the 'doing' has helped me feel like I have a little bit of control in all of this..... I think I hear God laughing! :)

One thing Christian and I have discussed quite a bit is stress and worry.  He reminds me that anxiety and stress will make you unhealthy and hurt your body.  It's true - we've seen the physical toll stress takes on ourselves and family members but how much more of a strain is it on our spiritual health?  This morning I was praying that the Lord take away the anxiety of “things to do” and I was reminded of the below passage. These are beautiful and practical words straight from Jesus: 

^{Matthew 6: 25-34
25} “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ²⁷ Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
²⁸ “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, ²⁹ yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. ³⁰ And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
³¹ “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ ³² These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. ³³ Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
³⁴ “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

I was convicted this morning of the fact that when I am consumed with worry, I am really questioning whether God can handle this on His own. Why does He need me to be anxious about anything when He's already determined His plan for my life? My stress is not going to change what happens but my prayers could. Acknowledging my anxiety, telling God about it and then making a conscience decision to leave it at His feet is the best thing I can do for myself and my family.  This morning it felt too big to give the Lord all my anxieties about being 'prepared enough' for the hospital so I just prayed that I do not worry about it anymore today.  So far, I haven't, and that is a blessing.  After all, "Today's trouble is enough for today."

I do not go back to Dr. U until November 1st and Dr. B until November 5th.  I will be over 32 weeks by then, which is a huge praise! Babies born at 32 weeks do very well, so every week after 32 is great. Thank you for continuing to pray that I stay pregnant until December 3rd. 

I am praying today that everyone who reads this is able to let go of whatever stress or worry they are carrying in their heart.  I know it is not easy but I also know you will have more peace and comfort once you give it to God.

Love, Krystle  

Photos of Mama and Magpie!

Below are a few of our favorite pictures from a very fun morning! Well, Maggie was not having fun but you'd never know it from the sweet smiles! As I mentioned before, Elena Reid is a dear friend, genius photographer and so very generous to let me share the beautiful photos below.  www.ElenaReidPhotography.com

Love, Krystle

Doctors Appointments and Perspective

Our appointments last week with Dr. B and Dr. U both went well! 
Christian and I got to watch John and Sam move around on the ultrasound and both boys had great heart rates and are growing.  Sam weighed about 2 lbs 5 oz and is measuring a few days larger than his due date. John weighed around 2 lbs and even his tiny arm and leg bones have grown a little.  Dr. B pointed out that John's left lung has developed slightly but not enough to change his prognosis or to support breathing on his own. Dr. U says my belly is measuring over 35 cm already and usually women start contracting around 40 cms.  Both doctors think I'll be measuring 40 cm by 32 weeks and at that point I may be on bed rest or more medications but as of right now, everything looks good!

I'm 28 weeks 4 days pregnant, have gained 19 lbs, my anemia is getting better and I haven't had any additional 'false alarms.' These are all blessings that I can praise the Lord for! Your prayers for good doctors appointments are working! :)

I met with our church last week to go over possible funeral arrangements and service plans. This meeting was peaceful and not as painful as I thought it would be.  I felt a warmness while I was there. It was the same tender feeling women get when they come across a really fluffy and soft baby blanket in a store.  You don't intend to buy it but you run your hand over it and you can't help but smile at how sweet it is. Well, I left the church feeling this warmth and sweetness. I even caught myself smiling in the rear view mirror as I pulled out of the parking lot.  It doesn't make sense to me even as I type this but it's the truth, I wasn't the crying mess I thought I'd be. I felt comforted and held.  I read the below scripture this week and I think this is the explanation for the peace I felt:

Isaiah 43: 2-3
When you go through deep waters,
    I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
    you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.
³ For I am the Lord, your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I've been thinking about perspective recently and how just looking at a situation from a different point of view can totally change your attitude.  I came across this story on a blog I follow:

While we were leaving Chuck-e-Cheese, the only place McRae, my youngest daughter, ever picks for our daddy/daughter dates, we heard a police siren. Into the dark fall night the blue lights of a cop car sped by. In the backseat, I heard McRae sigh and say,
“Ohhhh, I love that sound.” That’s a strange thing for a six year old to say, so I asked her why? Without missing a beat she said, “Because that’s the sound of someone getting rescued.”

Isn't that a beautiful way to think of something that normally makes you panic? I also read on a friend's Facebook status, "What if every time you said, "I have to" you said instead, "I get to!" How would that change your outlook?"

Of course, this is not always easy to do but I am going to do my best to think this way as much as I can. 

Thank you for your prayers!
Love, Krystle

Dear John,

Dear John,

Daddy and I are so excited to meet you soon.  We cannot wait to hold you and kiss you and tell you that we love you over and over again.  We want to see if you have lots of dark hair like Maggie and if you have blue eyes like me or brown eyes like Daddy.   I want to stare at you so intensely that I never forget your precious face. I want to kiss each of the little fingers and toes that have been jabbing and kicking me for the last few months.  I want to tell you that Daddy and I have loved you and have been praying for you every day since you were a 2 cell embryo. You have been joyfully anticipated since before you were ever placed in my belly.  

I also want you to know me. I want you to know that if you were colicky, I would hold you for hours and praise God for the cries coming out of your mouth.  I want you to know that every time you fell down, I would kiss your boo-boos and make it better. I want you to know that if you were scared at a sleepover, I would come get you in the middle of the night, and that even when you didn’t eat all your dinner I would still let you have ice cream sometimes.  I would remind you to treat your girlfriend the same way you want a boy to treat Maggie, and I would call you the first day of early voting and remind you to go vote.  

I want you to know that your Daddy would get such a thrill from you running into his arms when he gets home from work.  I want you to know that he would make a silly face or do a ridiculous dance over and over again to hear you laugh.  I know he would tell you not to fight with your brother but he would be so proud when you used one of your Jiu-Jitsu moves effectively.  He would love to take you hunting, fishing and to buy your first pair of soccer cleats. He would take you from me when you were fussy and sing you a Johnny Cash or Bob Marley song but most of all, he’d love to watch you sleep on his chest. 

We both want you to know that we are so proud of you. You have yet to be born but you have brought people closer to the Lord and strengthened families.  You haven’t spoken a word but you’ve made grown men cry. You will never score a touchdown or hit a home-run but you have thousands of people cheering for you. You have made me a better mama, wife, friend and Christ-follower and I have been honored to carry you.

If you see us cry on the day you are born it is because of our deep love for you John. You are already an important part of our family and a huge piece of our hearts.  Learning to live without a piece of your heart is painful but we give thanks to our Father in Heaven who knows what it is like to love and lose a son.  We will continue to rely on His mercy and believe in His goodness all the days of our lives, even when we do not understand His will. 

We know you have been "Wonderfully made" by our Creator and that He has already recorded all of your days in the Book of Life.  We have prayed repeatedly for a miracle but trust in the Lord’s plan for you even if we do not receive the one we are looking for.  We hold on to the promise that you will be fully healed in Heaven and that we will all be together again.  

Our family and this world are better because you exist my beautiful boy. I love you and I look forward to holding you and your brother soon.

Love,

Mama