Dear John,

Dear John,

Daddy and I are so excited to meet you soon.  We cannot wait to hold you and kiss you and tell you that we love you over and over again.  We want to see if you have lots of dark hair like Maggie and if you have blue eyes like me or brown eyes like Daddy.   I want to stare at you so intensely that I never forget your precious face. I want to kiss each of the little fingers and toes that have been jabbing and kicking me for the last few months.  I want to tell you that Daddy and I have loved you and have been praying for you every day since you were a 2 cell embryo. You have been joyfully anticipated since before you were ever placed in my belly.  

I also want you to know me. I want you to know that if you were colicky, I would hold you for hours and praise God for the cries coming out of your mouth.  I want you to know that every time you fell down, I would kiss your boo-boos and make it better. I want you to know that if you were scared at a sleepover, I would come get you in the middle of the night, and that even when you didn’t eat all your dinner I would still let you have ice cream sometimes.  I would remind you to treat your girlfriend the same way you want a boy to treat Maggie, and I would call you the first day of early voting and remind you to go vote.  

I want you to know that your Daddy would get such a thrill from you running into his arms when he gets home from work.  I want you to know that he would make a silly face or do a ridiculous dance over and over again to hear you laugh.  I know he would tell you not to fight with your brother but he would be so proud when you used one of your Jiu-Jitsu moves effectively.  He would love to take you hunting, fishing and to buy your first pair of soccer cleats. He would take you from me when you were fussy and sing you a Johnny Cash or Bob Marley song but most of all, he’d love to watch you sleep on his chest. 

We both want you to know that we are so proud of you. You have yet to be born but you have brought people closer to the Lord and strengthened families.  You haven’t spoken a word but you’ve made grown men cry. You will never score a touchdown or hit a home-run but you have thousands of people cheering for you. You have made me a better mama, wife, friend and Christ-follower and I have been honored to carry you.

If you see us cry on the day you are born it is because of our deep love for you John. You are already an important part of our family and a huge piece of our hearts.  Learning to live without a piece of your heart is painful but we give thanks to our Father in Heaven who knows what it is like to love and lose a son.  We will continue to rely on His mercy and believe in His goodness all the days of our lives, even when we do not understand His will. 

We know you have been "Wonderfully made" by our Creator and that He has already recorded all of your days in the Book of Life.  We have prayed repeatedly for a miracle but trust in the Lord’s plan for you even if we do not receive the one we are looking for.  We hold on to the promise that you will be fully healed in Heaven and that we will all be together again.  

Our family and this world are better because you exist my beautiful boy. I love you and I look forward to holding you and your brother soon.

Love,

Mama