Hard

I'm having a hard moment.  I just got a note in the mail from two of the wonderful nurses that cared for us on delivery day saying that they are still thinking about John and they know it has been 6 months since the boys were born. Sam and Maggie are both napping so I guess it is a convenient time to have a good cry. 

I move away or dive right in -
you are no more or less near.
I put you away then get you out again- 
no more or less near.

I talk about or talk around -
no more or less near.
I stay up all night or sleep sound -
no more or less near.

I cry the tears or choke them back -
no more or less near.
I stare at your pictures and then repack -
no more or less near.

I cannot feel more but I don't want less-
no more or less near.
I give up or I do my best -
no more or less near.

I would really appreciate your prayers for a lifted spirit this afternoon. I do not write poems but I guess in this moment the above needed to get out.  This grief is a funny thing. 

Love, Krystle