A New Song to Sing!

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
    and he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
    out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
    and steadied me as I walked along.
³ He has given me a new song to sing,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
    They will put their trust in the Lord.

-Psalm 40: 1-3

I indeed have a "new song to sing!" Christian and I are expecting our fourth child in October! We are thrilled and feel so blessed that the Lord has given us this miracle. We were told that we would never conceive naturally, and yet we have. God is all-powerful and much bigger than science or our doubt.

For those of you who don't know, Christian and I struggled with infertility for three years before conceiving Maggie.  I took all the medications, ran all the tests, had two surgeries and did multiple rounds of in vitro fertilization to get our little Magpie. We were elated and thankful to have Maggie but wanted to have more children if possible.  We did two more rounds of IVF, miscarried and then on our third round we got pregnant with the boys! From that cycle we froze the three remaining embryos.  In October we transferred two embryos and were pregnant for a week before miscarrying.

Until John's diagnosis, infertility was the biggest struggle of my life.  I have experienced more sorrow at times but infertility was the most alone I ever felt. It is heartbreaking to live month-to-month and go through intense periods of hope and disappointment.  Having the strong, God-given desire to be a mom and not have it happen brings you to your knees and breaks many marriages apart.  It is also confusing and hard on our husbands. As I type this I am praying for all couples I know struggling with infertility.  I hope you will join me in lifting up the couples around you yearning for their first baby or a sibling for their child.

Looking back I can see so many important lessons I learned in our season of infertility.  My genuine belief in God's goodness, come-what-may, was developed during those three years. I was also taught a great deal about patience and God's timing versus my own.  It was during this time that I discovered that there is a Bible passage to minister to every situation. I read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel so many times that I was convinced that the Lord put it there just for me.  God knew women struggling with infertility would need hope and he gifted His daughters with this story. My Bible is worn on these pages and there are smudges where my tears dropped over fresh ink underlining these words:

1 There was a man named Elkanah who lived in Ramah in the region of Zuph in the hill country of Ephraim. He was the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, of Ephraim. ² Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah did not.

³ Each year Elkanah would travel to Shiloh to worship and sacrifice to the Lord of Heaven’s Armies at the Tabernacle. The priests of the Lord at that time were the two sons of Eli—Hophni and Phinehas. ⁴ On the days Elkanah presented his sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to Peninnah and each of her children. ⁵ And though he loved Hannah, he would give her only one choice portion because the Lord had given her no children. ⁶ So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children. ⁷ Year after year it was the same—Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Each time, Hannah would be reduced to tears and would not even eat.

⁸ “Why are you crying, Hannah?” Elkanah would ask. “Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me—isn’t that better than having ten sons?”

⁹ Once after a sacrificial meal at Shiloh, Hannah got up and went to pray. Eli the priest was sitting at his customary place beside the entrance of the Tabernacle. ¹⁰ Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. ¹¹ And she made this vow: “O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut.”

¹² As she was praying to the Lord, Eli watched her. ¹³ Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. ¹⁴ “Must you come here drunk?” he demanded. “Throw away your wine!”

¹⁵ “Oh no, sir!” she replied. “I haven’t been drinking wine or anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord. ¹⁶ Don’t think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.”

¹⁷ “In that case,” Eli said, “go in peace! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him.”

¹⁸ “Oh, thank you, sir!” she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad.

¹⁹ The entire family got up early the next morning and went to worship the Lord once more. Then they returned home to Ramah. When Elkanah slept with Hannah, the Lord remembered her plea, ²⁰ and in due time she gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I asked the Lord for him.”

I am so thankful for this chapter.  This passage taught me much about the Lord: Children are given by God and it was no mistake that I did not have them yet; God recognizes how heartbreaking it is for a woman who desires children not to have them; I am to respect and consider my husband before the despair of infertility; In my disappointment and anguish I am to turn to God and pour it out to Him; I am to fully expect God to answer my prayers. 


He really does answer them and He really does still perform miracles. There is no other explanation for this tiny baby growing in my belly.

I can't help but think that my John had something to do with this. I can picture his dark curly hair and his full lips turned up in a smile with the knowledge that the Lord was going to send a little brother or sister to Maggie and Sam.  Did John watch as I fell to my knees in disbelief at the positive pregnancy test? Did he count the happy tears that streamed down my face? Did he hear my prayers of thanksgiving as they entered Heaven? Did he laugh when his Daddy didn't believe the news? I think he did. 

In our excitement, we can't help but be nervous. "Routine" blood work and ultrasounds don't feel so routine to me.  I had some tests ran this morning and I would appreciate your prayers that everything comes back fine. 

Thank you for your prayers for my family.
Love,
Krystle