Praise!

We have been richly blessed since last Thursday. First of all, hours after I posted my last blog entry, I received an email from the hospital saying that almost all of our requests had been approved! YAY! I know this was through the power of prayer and I greatly appreciate any you said on our behalf.

Secondly, I had the opportunity to go to the UT football game on Saturday.  We couldn't find a sitter so Christian recommended that he stay home with Maggie while I went with my family.  He is such a servant-leader and an amazing friend.  We were both excited that our boys got to attend a UT football game.  I enjoyed the night with family and friends and was joyful that I got to share the experience with my sons, plus the Horns won! \m/  I also spoke with a friend who told me that reading this blog had encouraged her in her walk with Christ.  WOW! I was so honored that she shared that with me!  I am also thankful to the Lord for showing me ways John has been a blessing to others.

Third, we had a great appointment with Dr. B today. It feels odd to type that.  No, John has not been miraculously healed. His condition was more evident today than before but Christian and I left the appointment feeling blessed and grateful. We got to watch John and Sam for about 30 minutes and marvel at the Lord's handiwork.  John was very active and the technician had a hard time getting his heart rate because of how much he was moving.  Christian commented that he looked like Maggie rolling around when she doesn't want her diaper changed! Dr. B reconfirmed that Sam looks perfectly healthy and is measuring one day ahead of my due date. Dr. B saw no causes for additional concern and said he saw no indication of polyhydramnios - Another praise! He also said that he didn't foresee bed rest for maybe another 2 months!! Thank you for your prayers! 

Both of the boys were facing towards my back so it made getting a profile picture very difficult but here is one of my beautiful John Kay. (His head is at the top and you are looking at the left side of his face.)

I realize that while I have given John's diagnosis, Thanatophoric dysplasia (TD), I haven't explained why it is lethal.  John's bones are all small and bowed.  What makes this different from just being a 'little person' is that his chest cavity is also very small. Because of this, John's heart, which is normal sized, takes up 60%-65% of his chest cavity and leaves no room for his lungs to develop.  John is able to breathe through the placenta/umbilical cord but once he is born, he will not have developed lungs.  Even though I know God could heal John if he wanted to, and I was holding my breath a little as the ultrasound started, I do not feel that it is going to happen.  Seeing John today did not make me angry with the Lord, as I thought it might.  Seeing John and Sam today made me more in love with my boys and more thankful for the gift I've been given, no matter how temporary.   While we were in the ultrasound I was thinking about a passage I read this morning in a wonderful book, "I Will Carry You." Angie Smith writes:

He gives and He takes away.  Have I had moments of genuine questioning where I blamed myself and anyone else I could? Yes.  But when those thoughts come, and they will, we must make a choice about who we will be from this day forward.  Either we will go through life as bitter servants, or we will make Him famous with our love. I want Him to be famous.

This passage made me think of my Granny who lost three of her children yet was never a "bitter servant."  She was a living witness of God's grace and mercy to me for 30 years and I am thankful for her example.  I find myself asking "WWGD" - "What would Granny do?" :) I might make some bracelets!

I have also been reading some poetry on loss and death.  I was lead to the below by Henry Scott Holland and I think it is absolutely beautiful and want to share:

I am standing on the seashore.

A ship spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon,
and someone at my side says,
"She is gone."

Gone where?

The loss of sight is in me, not in her.
Just at the moment when someone says,
"She is gone,"
there are others who are watching her coming.
Other voices take up the glad shout,
"Here she comes,"
and that is dying.

Thank you for your prayers! As always, they work! 
Love, Krystle