It's time!

Good afternoon from Room 19 of St. David's Women's Center! I have been admitted and unless these babies decide to come tonight, we will be having a c-section at 7am in the morning.  I would appreciate your prayers for a safe delivery and for the Lord to sustain my family over the next 24 hours.  Please be praying specifically for us from 7-8:00am tomorrow morning while we are in the OR and meeting Sam and John for the first time.   I am feeling at peace and nervous at the same time. I am thankful for the time I've had with my boys and I praise the Lord who created them both with care:

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed. 

Psalm 139

I do not know what will happen tomorrow but I trust in the one who does.  Either by miracle or death my beloved John will be healed and restored tomorrow. Please join me in praising God for this truth. I truly appreciate each of you and the prayers you have lifted up on behalf of my family.  

Love, Krystle

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! We have much to be thankful for in the Alvarado household this year; our faith, family, friends and all the blessings and struggles that have gotten us to this point. There was a point a few years ago when Christian and I thought we would never be able to have children of our own and the Lord has blessed us with three!  We are abundantly blessed and thankful.

I've been discussing Thanksgiving with Maggie and I thought I would share the things that she is thankful for because it makes me laugh. This is her order, not mine: Blue, pink, red, yellow, Mama, Daddy, Mimi, Lincoln (our dog), chocolate, babies (in Mama's belly) Lovey, Rapunzel and Baby Lizard (Pascal from the movie "Tangled"). When quizzed about other family members she would say, "Yes!" and shake her head so please do not get your feelings hurt if you weren't listed.....Aunt Nene'! :)

A dear friend of ours sent us a sermon she heard on the radio the other day. It was such a God moment because I needed to hear the message right when I received it.  I love it when that happens! The message made me think and made me thankful.  Below is a condensed version of what I was sent. I pray it pricks your heart the way it did mine.

Grace, mercy, and peace be to you in Jesus' Name, the One who makes a thanksgiving life possible, today and forever. Amen.

Next week is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. And, for many, it is still a commemoration of the feast of harvest that the Pilgrims celebrated with the Indians 400 years ago. For others, though, it is a call not only to be reminded of that first Thanksgiving Day, to be thankful to God for your blessings, but a charge to live life a certain way in all circumstances.

But, when you gather around the Thanksgiving dinner table this year, let me ask you this: if you had been one of those first Pilgrim settlers coming to the New World, would you have been able to give thanks that first Thanksgiving Day?

Consider what they had been through. They had uprooted themselves and sailed for America, on a journey so dangerous, they were advised first "To make out thy will." The crossing was very rough and the Mayflower was blown off course. Instead of reaching Virginia, where Englishmen had settled 13 years earlier, the Pilgrims ended up in the wilds of Massachusetts. By the time they found a place to make their new home, Plymouth, they called it, winter had set in.

The storms were frightful. Shelter was rudimentary. There was little food. Within weeks, nearly all the settlers were sick.

Governor William Bradford later recalled, "in two or three months' time, half of their company died, especially in January and February....being infected with the scurvy and other diseases.... There died sometimes two or three of a day."

When spring came, Indians showed them how to plant corn, but their first crops were dismal. Supplies ran out, their sponsors in London refused to send more and even when they first sent a shipment of goods to England, it was stolen by pirates.

So, if you had been there in 1621, if you had seen half of your friends die, if you had suffered through famine, malnutrition, and sickness, if you had endured a year of heartbreak and tragedy, would you have felt grateful?

In view of such things, Paul's words, then, seem almost incredible, yet he unequivocally proclaims for those who trust in Christ, "Rejoice always! Pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances!

Who can live that kind of life? What kind of person would you have to be? I'll tell you the truth; it sure seems like a person like that would have to be superhuman, almost too good to be true. So, is that really the secret of a thankful life, being superhuman? Or is it something as simple and as powerful as knowing the God of heaven and earth, the Lord of the cross and resurrection as your Savior in all things?

Let's learn together today, that because we can trust in God in all things, we can, as His people, live a life of thanksgiving in this sinful world, no matter the struggle or the circumstance. Let's learn that there is a right way to live life, resourced by faith, inspired by hope, unleashed in thanksgiving.

"Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.19

Now, if Paul is saying that this is the right way to live, why do so many, Christians and non, not live this way?

Well, first of all, many people today have a wrong view of thanksgiving. You'll hear people recount their blessings as a means for that thankful spirit, but even then, deep in their hearts are also the realities of their sufferings, pains, disappointments, and trials. Too many people miss out on the power of a thanksgiving life because, even when they try to live this way, they falsely root their thankfulness in circumstances of the moment and not in the enduring work and word of God on their behalf.

Circumstances change, But God never changes. Other people might fail us, but God never forgets His people. Our own insecurities, even our sins, can stifle our thankfulness just when it is needed most. But God is a constant resource for our thanksgiving life, with His forgiveness, His promises, and His love always at the ready in our greatest time of need!

During this Thanksgiving Season and all throughout the year put the specific grace of God to work in your life; with a rejoicing heart because God never stops looking out for you, because God Himself is making a way through the troubles that you are experiencing. And even if you are facing the reality of death this holiday season, He is merely setting the stage for your glorious healing and restoration. Rejoice always by faith in Christ, you are always in the Father's caring hands.

Finally, during this Thanksgiving Season, put the specific grace of God to work in your life by praying without ceasing. Why? Because God hears your prayers no matter the answer. You know, God always answers, either "Yes, No, or wait," never maybe, because there is no maybe with God and His gracious love. He didn't go to the cross for you and rise again from the dead for you to offer you a maybe answer to prayer. No, He answers. And those answers are always meant to keep us close to Him in faith.

And open your heart up to the fact that God can use all circumstances in this world to draw you closer to Him, to draw others to Himself through you, or even to deepen your relationships to one another through trial.

And because of Him, dear friend, you can put the power of rejoicing and thanksgiving to work in your life today. Let the troubles and the successes of each day be merely opportunities to give thanks to God who promises through it all, to be faithful to you. Live your life in Christ, be resourced by faith, inspired by hope, unleashed in thanksgiving.

Presented on The Lutheran Hour on November 18, 2012By Rev. Gregory Seltz, Lutheran Hour Speaker
Copyright Lutheran Hour Ministries

Thank you for your prayers! We are thankful for them.
Love, Krystle

Confidence

A couple of weeks ago, after Christian and I turned out the light and said our good-nights, I whispered, "I'm scared" into the dark and started sobbing. I know it broke his heart to hear me say it but it broke mine to admit it to us both.   I was mainly scared that I wouldn't be strong enough to be a good mama to Sam and John on delivery day.  I was scared that if labor started right then, my heart would fail me and I would spend precious moments being a mess instead of being a smiling, soothing and comforting presence to my boys.  I've been told numerous times that children feed off of their parents' emotions and I believe it.  So it has been one of my continual prayers that I am able to praise God for every moment we have John and remain in a spirit of Thanksgiving, peace and love the whole time he is with us. I've witnessed firsthand how beautiful and peaceful it is when someone is loved over into eternity.  My Granny passed away this summer and we were all at her bedside when she left this world. For two days my mom held her, recounted happy memories and told her that she could go to Jesus now if it was her time. She smiled at Granny and listed all the people in Heaven who would be so happy to see her.  The few times Granny opened her eyes, she saw loving, smiling faces that told her she was not alone and that it was okay if she had to leave. If John has to leave us, then I want that for him.  I have been scared for the past few weeks that I wouldn't be strong enough but I'm not scared anymore.  This weekend I spent a lot of time in scripture and in prayer pouring out my doubt to the Lord and He heard me.  This specific fear has been removed from my heart and it has been replaced by confidence! I am confident that on delivery day the Lord will drink deeply of my despair and will be present to shower joy over my heart so that I can love my baby into eternity. 

This week I read these words and they echo exactly what I am feeling in my heart:

Psalm 40: 1-5

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

    and he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

    out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

    and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,

    a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what he has done and be amazed.

    They will put their trust in the Lord.

 Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,

    who have no confidence in the proud

    or in those who worship idols.

O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.

    Your plans for us are too numerous to list.

    You have no equal.

If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,

    I would never come to the end of them. 

I am starting to get excited about delivery day.  I'd like to put it off until December 3rd so that Sam has plenty of time to develop but I am not dreading it like I was.  I'm in a place of waiting but not worrying like before. I was reminded this morning to, "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37:7.  It's hard to do much else on bed rest! :) 

My appointments with Dr. B and Dr. U went well this week. Dr. B did a sonogram and both boys look good! We didn't get a good photo of either because they are so squished in my belly but John was moving all around and Sam had his fists in front of his face again. I saw Dr. U yesterday and he said that I'm now measuring 40 weeks - I definitely feel it!  Both doctors say that getting to 34 weeks (this Sunday) is a great milestone and Dr. U says that if I can make it to 35 weeks the chances of Sam coming home when I do are very high! Thank you for your continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy and good doctors appointments.

I do have a specific prayer request: Maggie has been sick the past 3 days. She just has a cold but she hasn't been sleeping well and she's been very clingy. Please pray that she is well before I go into the hospital. Her mama being away for a few nights will be even harder on her if she isn't feeling well.

Thank you for your prayers old friends, new friends and future friends! There is nothing I appreciate more than you lifting up my family in prayer to our faithful God. I know He hears us and He has the awesome power to replace fear with confidence! 

"My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises!" - Psalm 57:7

Love, Krystle

32 weeks, 4 days!

Your prayers are working friends! It's been over a week since my last post and these babies are still in my belly, praise God! I see Dr. B and Dr. U weekly now and both of our appointments this week went well.  Lene' went with me to Dr. B's on Monday and we watched as they measured Sam and John.  Sam looks wonderful and is practicing breathing, which is a great sign! He weighs about 4 lbs and had both of his fists up against his face so we could not get a good profile picture.  John's heartbeat was strong and he was moving around a lot.  It's hard for them to get a good estimate on how much he weighs because weight is estimated by arm & leg lengths and head & belly circumference.  His arms and legs measure 16-17 weeks, his head measures 35 weeks and his belly measures 32 weeks so the formulas are off but Dr. B assumes he weighs around 3 lbs. His heart is now taking up more than 70% of his tiny chest and he is not practicing breathing, as expected. We did get to see his tiny hands and I enjoyed that. Dr. B and Dr. U both say that each day I stay pregnant takes about 3 days off of Sam's NICU stay, so everyday is a victory and praise.  All of the prayers, bed rest and medicines are working and they both think I could make it to 34 weeks/November 19th but I haven't given up on Dec. 3rd!

Speaking of bed rest, I am so blessed to have my mom and Lene' close by.  My mom comes over every morning before Christian leaves for work and stays with me and Maggie until he gets home.  She entertains Maggie, anticipates my every need, drives me to appointments, cleans my house and buys groceries. Besides taking care of all the daily stuff, she is also here to hold me when I'm sad.  I don't think there is any substitute for your mom's arms when you are crying, especially when those arms hug as well as Laura Kirchmeyer's!  I do not know what we would do without her and I hope I'm half the mom that she is. Lene' is mini-mom and fills in wherever we need her. She is up all hours of the night so when I can't sleep, or I'm having contractions at 3am, I'm able to talk to her. She is hilarious when I need to laugh and comforting when I'm upset. When I ask her opinion on something she really thinks about it, researches it and comes back with a thoughtful response. I hope everyone has a friend or sibling like that in their life.

I have so much to be thankful for so I feel guilty for the sadness I've been feeling this week. The steroid shots and the anti-contraction medicine make me feel jittery, anxious and like I'm having a panic attack so I'm sure that has made it worse.  I'm having a hard time thinking about when John physically leaves us.  I don't know how I call a nurse to come take my baby from me.  How do I decide when I've held him long enough? And how do I sleep in a hospital knowing that my baby is in some cold dark place all alone in the same building?  My head tells me that he will no longer be there. I know he will be in Paradise experiencing so much joy and love but I go crazy thinking about him being alone.  I've read that it's easier for some moms to have their baby go straight from their arms to the funeral home. I think I've decided on this but then I change my mind.  I don't know how you make these decisions. I've been praying for discernment but so far I just feel like there are only bad choices.  I've also been sad thinking about Sam being in the NICU.  If he is, I won't be able to see him for 12 hours or more after having a c-section.  I feel silly admitting that. I know there are so much more important things than worrying about not being with him right away. I know Sam won't be alone and a family member will be with him. I am thankful that my doctors say that Sam should be perfectly healthy after a brief NICU stay, if any. I try to focus on that but this week I just keep fearing that I'll be leaving the hospital without either of my babies and it makes my heart hurt. I've known this is the case all along but this week it is occupying my thoughts. 

I haven't been as intentional in my bible study and quiet time this week. I believe the majority of this sadness and worry is the result.  I have spent hours thinking and praying but not hearing what the Lord has to say to me through His word. I know only the Great Physician can heal my heart and give me the comfort I need. I plan on spending time in His word this weekend.

Thank you for your prayers for my family.
Love, Krystle

Prayers needed

Family and friends, I need your prayers. I have been having contractions and some signs of preterm labor this week.  I went to see Dr. U this morning and initially he said everything looked great. I'm only 20% effaced and he said he could see me making it another 3 weeks.  He did a fetal fibronectin test and sent me home with orders to stay in bed as much as possible.  Dr. U called me back around 1:30pm this afternoon and said that the fetal fibronectin test came back positive, which means that my body is getting ready for labor.  A negative result means that you have a less than 5% chance of delivering in the next week or two. A positive result means that the FFN protein is present and you have a high chance of going into labor in the next week.  Dr. U called Dr. B and they decided that the best action was for me to head into Dr. B's office for a corticosteroid injection to help the boys' lung develop as much as possible before delivery.  The steroid is given in two injections 24 hours apart so I will be going back tomorrow for my second dose.  I am not 32 weeks until Sunday, I won't be 34 weeks until November 19th and, as you know, I won't be 36 weeks until December 3rd. I've been praying so expectantly to not have these boys until December 3rd. I know you have joined me in that prayer.  God is bigger than medicine and I know He can delay delivery until December 3rd but according to my doctors, it would be a huge blessing to still be pregnant at Thanksgiving.  I will be on bed rest at home until I go into labor.  I'm heartsick and scared this afternoon and need your prayers that my boys remain safe and that my anxious heart is calmed.   I'm holding fast to the promise below: 

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.” Matthew 7: 7-10

I've shared this before but my most frequent prayer over the past 3 months has been for the Lord to keep my babies safe and pain-free, and also for them to know how much I love them.  I have no doubt that they feel my love, and as of right now, they are safe and pain-free so I will praise His name for that.  Thank you for being my prayer warriors!

Love, Krystle